Labor: part 3

I opened my eyes at 6 a.m. and asked what was going on. Then I started moaning in pain. I was so freaking out of it. The nurse magically appeared by my bedside and she said she wanted me to sit on the ball to help move my labor along. The contractions were even more intense than before, and I didn't think that was even possible. When the contractions were coming I didn't want to hear any talking or any noise. It was so funny because the contraction would start, MrC would say something and I'd look at him and hiss  "shut up!" and then when the contraction was over I'd apologize. Once, he wouldn't shut up, so I hit him. Yep, I was delightful!  After the contraction was over I caressed his face and apologized, but everybody realized they needed to be quiet when I was going through. Whatever anybody had to say wasn't important enough for me to listen while my insides were being squeezed. The nurse put me on the ball and MrC sat behind me holding me. The nurse told me to do a deep moan every time a contraction came. My goodness, that worked. Then she told everybody to just talk me through the contraction. They would look at the screen and see when it peaked and tell me it was almost over and I was coming down. That was really helpful too, I liked knowing once the peak passed.My ma said my eyes rolled back a few times and she thought I was going to have a seizure, lol.  I couldn't stay on the ball long because the monitors were going crazy and the nurses watching the screens were getting nervous, so she put me back on the bed. I didn't feel like being flat so I got on all fours and told her I really wanted to push. Everybody came over and held me and I remember saying "I've got to change my mindset, because right now I feel like I can't do this." Once I said it aloud, I was able to cope. I kept telling myself the intensity will soon be over. Childbirth does not hurt, it's just tiring. And that I could do it. The nurse came over and checked me when I finally got in the bed correctly and I was 9.5 centimeters dilated. Her eyes got wide, she pushed the button for the nurses to come running in and they called my doctor. Nobody expected this to be happening right now. Lights flew on, equipment was wheeled in, and they told me I better not push. Once I realized that I was in such discomfort because the end was near, it didn't hurt anymore.  I was able to relax because I knew my body listened to me.The on call doctor came in and checked me and broke my water. It made me laugh. Then I got the sillies. Every time I moaned I reminded myself of the episode of "My Wife and Kids" when Michael told Calvin to just say "Mmmmmm, is that right?" whenever his wife talked, so that's what I kept doing. After every moan,  I would laugh, point and say "is that right?" 

Nurse: Hey, that sounds like pushing. I told you not to push

Me: It is pushing, I feel like pushing so I'm going to push

Nurse 2: Lawd! Let me put on some gloves in case she shoots this baby out

On Call Doc: *I'm not delivering this baby, goes and stands outside the door*

Nurse: Your doctor is coming, just wait

Me: You guys are more than capable of delivering this baby, let's just do this. 

Nurse 2 took the position of standing by my HoHah watching me, but nobody in the room would touch me. Then I ripped off my clothes. Why? Cuz I felt like it. They kept trying to cover me and I kept swatting them away. It was much more comfortable to be free. I also started randomly praying. I said a prayer that the delivery would be quick, Judah would be healthy, and some other random stuff. My doctor came running in the room mad as heck. 

Doctor: Nobody even told me she was in labor

Nurse: Nobody knew she progressed really quickly! She was asleep. 

My doctor sat down at my HoHah, and a person grabbed each leg.

Nurse: When the contraction comes, go chin to chest, hold your breath and push.

Me: ok *tried it* oops, wait, I messed up, let me try again. *tried again*

Doctor and Sister: His head is coming out!

Nurse: Do you want to see.

Me: Ewww, no. I took my glasses off an hour ago, I have no desire to watch this part *pushes again*

Doctor: Ok, wait for the next contraction to push

Me: I don't want to wait, can I just push now?

Doctor: You can do whatever you want

Me: *pushes*

Everybody: You're done!

Seriously, from the time I got off the ball to the time I pushed him out seemed like 5 minutes but I guess it was at least 30 since he wasn't born until 7:02. At some point somebody put a towel over my boobs, I guess they'd had enough of my peep show. They didn't give Judah to me right away because they didn't expect him to be so tiny. They did some quick checks on him and cleaned him up before giving him to me. I got to hold him for a while and then MrC and the nurse wheeled him to the nursery. We started laughing with the night nurse because I told her she was going to be there when I delivered and she did not believe me when I first said it. I thanked everybody and my doctor disappeared (she was in a funky foul mood.) The day nurse came in and apparently they had been talking about me. 

New Nurse: Girl, I heard you're a rock star!

Me: Who me?

New Nurse: yeah you. Did you go to any classes?

Me: No, I read some books

New Nurse: What books did you read, we need everybody to act like you

Me: *looking confused* Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Supernatural Childbirth. They talked a lot about the mental aspect of labor and delivery

New Nurse: *writes them down* Seriously, we need every mom to be like you. You did awesome. 

Me: Oh, well thanks. Can I order breakfast now? 

And that was it. My mom said that she was getting mad at everybody when they wouldn't just deliver me when I was clearly ready. She didn't want to fuss because she knew that would bring me stress. She thinks everybody was scared of my doctor and that's why they refused to touch me. Maybe they were all offended by my nekkidness. In the end it didn't matter because all was well, and I could totally do this 3 more times as long as I get to visit heaven's relief section for a few hours break!