Monday, November 15, 2010

Spilling the beans

I couldn't get logged onto my work computer until 2:30 p.m. today. I've been here all day looking a dang fool as IT failed at figuring out what was wrong. Geez, let's talk babies now! I always had all these funny ideas as to how I would tell people I was pregnant- didn't follow through with any of them! MrC already made it clear he didn't want me to do something "cute" or funny. So I didn't! I found out I was pregnant on October 18, when I was 5 weeks. I got a test because I was tired, nauseous, and my boobies were hurting like crazy! This is how I told myself:
*sits down to pee on stick*
Me: Girllll, why did you waste your money on this test?
*takes test and sits it down on counter next to toilet*
Me: This is so funny I'm not...*looks to the right at test* I'm pregnant!?
Then hysterical laughter. That thing popped up pregnant before I even got up off the toilet. Then I got mad at myself for buying all new winter shirts in a size small the week before. Yeah, even though my belly just looks like I ate too much, when you wear fitted shirts all the dang time, and you went from flat tummy to pudge, it makes you quite self conscious. Saturday MrC's friend actually asked if I was pregnant because he'd never seen my stomach protrude before. Dude, I'm 9 weeks! You shouldn't be able to tell. I also can't button my pants without it pushing my stomach up and making me look sloppy as heck in ill fitting clothes. Most of my clothes fit to a T (tee? tea?). I've never owned a scale until now because I tracked my weight by whether or not my pants buttoned. So yeah, I'm sure everybody just thinks I'm eating too much. I'm embarassed I already have to rubberband my pants closed so I don't look stuffed in them.
How I told MrC:
*MrC walks in the door from work*
Me: Babe, I have something to show you.
MrC: What?
Me: *walks to the bathroom to get tests* This
MrC: *looks down, looks up* Nope.
Me: Nope? You can't say nope, I'm pregnant fool
MrC: You believe those tests?
Me: Yeah, it's a pregnancy test. It tests for pregnancy. It's kind of what they do.
Why is my husband so strange? I don't think he really accepted it until 2 weeks later when we saw the baby's heartbeat.
How I told my momma:
Momma: Did you put an offer on that house y'all liked?
Me: No, we're going to keep looking. It's not going to work.
Mommma: Why not? You can't keep looking forever. What didn't you like?
Me: It's just going to be too small now
Momma: *getting frustrated. Asking me 8 million questions like she's buying the house*
Me: Dag ma, I'm pregnant, ok!
Momma: *stunned silence* How you gonna say something like that *pulls knife out of drawer* Are you serious?
Me: Yesssssss *backs up slowly*
*my sister walks in the kitchen and sees the awkwardness*
Sister: So when are you due?
Ma: You knew?
Sister: No, what else could be going on in here that would have you staring at her like that?
Next time, I'm not telling anybody I'm pregnant. These fools don't know how to act. I'm going to put Baby C in a shirt that says "I'm going to be a big sister" and let them threaten the baby while I hide out in safety.


Jameil said...

LOLOL. Those are the best stories EVER!!! NOPE??? Who says that??? LOL! I love that people feel fat at 9wks and there are MONTHS AND MONTHS more coming! I think it's adorable! I can't wait for your ignorant pregnant Q&A. It's going to be the best!! Also... t.

Nerd Girl said...


So, you're predicting a girl???

I am so looking forward to the next nine months of your life!

GorgeousPuddin said...

Awww! excellent recap and very funny! Your mother Oh Gawd!! LOLOLOL!

InnerDiva said...

Congrats! Your story of telling is much funnier than mine. Here's to the next few months! Have you signed up for yet?

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