Devil Pills and devil food

Yesterday I was in Salisbury for work. I was sitting in a hospice with a splitting headache and no internet connection. I was a very sad camper. On the way home I alleviated my sadness by making a pit stop at the outlets. A skirt, 2 shirts, and 6 pieces of jewelry later, I was feeling good, feeling great! Got home laid on the couch with a blanket over my head and slept the headache off. I woke up to find that TheCount had not only cleaned up my trail of socks, nail polishes, and purses, but he put the rest of the Christmas lights up too :) It made me smile big time. Hopefully this is the last week of these headaches. I'm making the doctor switch these devil birth control pills again. Shoot, I'd rather just have a baby if I'm going to have headaches, not be able to wear my contacts comfortably, be nauseated, have mood swings, and gain weight, lol. I said that to say that Yaz and Yasmin are the devil. You have been warned ladies!

 

On my job they are having The Biggest Loser competition. I'm not participating because I refuse to lose over 10 pounds because I like my size. My booty is hot, lol. I am however coaching my officemate. I've written about her many times before. She eats McDonald's every day. She drinks at LEAST 5 Pep.si's a day. For lunch she has "soup" aka oodles of noodles (top ramen). Ms. Lady that is packed full of sodium. That is a hard times meal! I latch key kid or a college kid meal. You can and you will do better. I have some health tips from magazines that I'm going to write up and post on her computer. When I bring my healthy lunches (like my chili today made with ground turkey and black beans [not canned beans though, way too salty]) I will share with her so that she can do better. She thinks she can go from eating McDonalds and Pe.psi every day to just plain salads and be satisfied. No you cannot, you will be hungry, cranky, and you will fall off the wagon. She had cancer a few months ago so really she needs this to help her body stay healthy. Her husband probably wouldn't mind if she got back down to the size 10 she was a few years ago, I think she's double that size now. Her doing this diet will keep me from gaining the "marriage weight" lol. Ohhh yeah, I trapped TheCount now, time for me to blow upppp! Just kidding folks!

 

Does anybody have some good weight loss tips, or good "diet" meals. I'm determined to help her. It'll help me too, knowing she has to see what I bring for lunch I won't be lazy and run out to get fast food. This will be so fun!

Weekend Wrap-Up

Friday: The Christmas Party was fun. I wasn't under dressed. Dude with the bow tie and vest was VERY overdressed, lol. They made me get up and mingle, which I'm not a fan of, but it was cool. I offered many people the chance to be their designated driver since I don't drink, but they said they were fine. I pray they all make it in today. This one dude kept trying to talk to me. He drank and smoked and my nose does not like that! I was looking at him like your breath is turning my stomach! As soon as he turned around I hightailed it from the table and hung with different folks. Toward the end of the party my legs started shaking. Thinking they were just tired from being in my heels all day I left the party to get home and rest. Halfway home I started feeling dizzy, got a headache, and my stomach started cramping. Uggghhh when I got in the house I was a mess. I was doubled over in pain. TheCount kept asking what I ate but all I had was a chicken taco and steak taco, with literally tortilla, cheese, and meat. That's it, no need for me to have to spend all that time running for the bathroom. I ended up falling asleep around 9 and TheCount carried me to bed because he couldn't risk waking me up and having to hear me moan in pain again, lol

 

Saturday: MamaTM and I went to King of Prussia mall in PA. That mall was huge! We literally shopped until we dropped. I was begging to be finished and sit down. My whole body hurts from the walking and bag carrying. I did get some amazing deals because I am a good bargain shopper! $5 sweater dresses and cardigans from Macy's. When the lady scanned it she was like, ummm this isn't right. Too bad missy. Ring them all up :) MamaTM was being a hater because I showed up in a skirt with boots and tights. She kept saying, "you think you cute don't you?" When I pointed out how many people had complemented me that day she replied, "well people just do that to be polite and make conversation." To which I pointed out, "how many people "made conversation with you?" She got this stuck look on her face and then we both just started laughing.

 

Sunday: I had some nightmares during the night and woke up with a really bad attitude and swollen eyes because I'm pretty sure I cried during my sleep. It really threw off my day. I kept crying and wouldn't talk. Normally when I have a day like that I can tell in the morning and I just stay in my room all day because there is nothing really wrong, it's just one of those days. I'm glad I can't remember the dreams but I am embarrassed because I cried everywhere Sunday. Church, my parent's house, Ver.izon, Lowes, anytime somebody tried to talk to me. When we got home I shut myself in the room, played Beyonce's cd over and over until I was distracted enough to get up and sing. Then I emerged from the room happy and cheerful. TheCount and I watched football, my team won, his lost, ate pizza, and chased each other around in circles until we both fell out.

 

Today: I MADE IT TO WORK ON TIME! Y'all have no idea what an accomplishment that is. Most days I'm at least an hour late, but I'm working on it. I was early to church yesterday too! I'm going to keep this up all week :) Now, time to make an appointment with the doctor because this birth control is the devil!

 

How was your weekend guys?

Emergency Shopping Trip

Set the scene:TM is glancing around nervously at her coworkers. Tonight is the annual Christmas Party. Normally it's an after 5 event and is formal. This year it is from 4-7. It's also the first time I will be present. I wasn't sure what to wear so I put on black slacks, a turquoise silky type shirt, a gray shrug and grayish/silverish shoes.

 

Now I'm at work and I see fully made up faces (ok, that's cool, I have makeup in my bag, I can work it out in the bathroom). Then I see a burgundy vest and bowtie on somebody. Ok, did I miss the memo? Then my office worker who wears stretch pants and sweaters every day pulls out these badddddd shoes and some sheer flowy pants. One dude came in with his all white on. Ummmm should I be planning an emergency shopping trip to TJMaxx during lunch? I don't want to be the fool in the pictures that have people saying "where was she going?" LOL My outfit is dressy but it aint stand next to a dude in a tuxedo dressy. I panic about wearing appropriate clothes all the time. My mom, sister, or husband has always helped me with these things, I am way too self conscious. I'm going to look around at what some more people have on to see if I need to be hightailing it out of here to get an outfit. Problem is, when I get to TJMaxx I'll probably trip out because I don't know what to get and a salesperson will find me hunched over in the dressing room crying... because that's happened...more than once, lol. Been found by a coworker, my mom, the count, a storeworker, and a stranger. I got's issues!

 

Ohhh somebody please console me. Tell me I'm not the only idiot that cries in dressing rooms. I am? Daggonit, My momma always told me I was strange.

 

Tomorrow I'm going on a bus shopping trip with my mama, you better believe I will be buying an outfit for the other Christmas party I have to go to in 2 weeks. I'm off to go scope out outfits and figure out a game plan!

 

This post just won't end. I just saw another girl in white pants. I have some! They would have looked ammmaazziiingggg with this getup. Why aint nobody tell me!?

Dear Single Ladies:

I understand that you want a man, really I do. Here's the problem. You cannot have mine. He liked it and he already put a ring on it. Go find your own, put in your own work to train him how you want him, then get him to wife you. Don't go up to somebody else's already trained man and think you are going to swoop in and make him wife you. He has already done that once, you missed out. Your sly comments don't go unnoticed. It's sad really. That you are that tragic that you can't find a man that doesn't have a ring on it. Your sly questions to my husband are not needed. Day after day you see him eating his lunch out of tupperware containers, you don't see him running out to McDonald's or heating up a hungry man meal, why ask "oh, your wife cook for you every day?" And if I don't are you going to bring him lunch? Do it and I will slice your thumb off, try me. And to the chick that wanted to know if I demanded that he marry me or if he proposed on his own. Yeahhhh how did demanding your ex marry you work out? Oh that's right, you're still single, so we see how that method turns out. He did it on his own. With a fabulous surprise party, I have pictures and a video tape I could show you if you would like. Don't worry, it brings me to tears too. We can cry together; you, your tears of sorrow, me, my tears of joy. Hey tissue absorbs them both the same. So keep on ladies, my husband and I have a good laugh at your expense every night over the dinner that I have prepared. The next time you think you should flirt with my husband remember, I will find you and TM is not afraid to cut a b!t(h. Have a blessed day!

Riddle Me This

How come I can make a bomb sesame chicken dish and even more banging curried chicken but I cannot fry chicken to save my darn life? Seriously, I made curried chicken tonight for dinner it was super simple and tasted all complicated and stuff! I've never actually had curried chicken that I liked before, I made a believer out of myself. I have this cookbook that I'm going to have to do a post on. I got it because it was recommended on this blog that I lurk on. Between that book and Darius' blog, I am a cooking machine! This may be what I bring in for the PotLuck either that or Blackbean chili with homemade tortillas (also from the cookbook). I have to try the chili next week, then I'll know for sure which will make the cut.


Y'all why did my momma go on a bus trip to a funeral yesterday? Am I the only one that found that...ummmm...odd? Like she was going to a play or a shopping trip. All excited. Called me talking 'bout, "girl we bout to go eat now, but that funeral was nice, I'll tell you about it later." Uhhhh, ok?

Today I'm driving to Salisbury for work. It's about 2.5 hours away but you'll hear no complaints from me! Why? Cuz my gas reimbursement check for December is about $350. Ohhhh yeah baby. And that's only 3 trips, this is the best side hustle ever! I can't wait until spring when we have a million and twelve fairs for work. Travelinngggggg!

Still not over the curried chicken. It was that good :) I am more awesome than even I know!

I have been having good hair weeks lately. Last week and this week. It's getting lonnnggggg! My regimen has been so simple. Cantu shea butter moisturizer at night, wrap it, then apply a little coconut oil in the morning. On wash day I've been rollersetting it on the big red rollers going to bed and unrolling it in the morning. No heat and my scalp is thanking me for it. My scalp is super sensitive. Kiddie perms burn me, adult relaxers move me to tears and falling out on the floor. Blowdriers? Cause me scabs and boils, I never straighten out my roots. I moisturize wrap it and tie it down. If you like flat hair, don't try any of what I just said. I'll try to get a picture or two, don't count on it, lol.

Another reason I don't do PotNoLuck's

I can't figure out how to send more than one picture at a time from my phone and I refuse to be emailing and saving a million and twelve pictures just to show y'all some Thanksgiving food so forget that! My words will have to suffice. Not much went on at my house during Thanksgiving. TheCount got up at 8:30 to get ready to go play football. I laid in bed protesting asking would he be upset if I missed it. MamaTM came in about 10:15 hollering about why I wasn't out their supporting my man. Strangers came in and out of my home to pick up their fried turkey's (remember my dad has a catering business). I hid out in my room. All the exact same thing that happened last year, except this year MamaTM didn't drag me to the football game and I didn't walk out of the bathroom in a towel to see a strange old man on the couch. We didn't have many people over, 8 in total and one was my mom and aunt's new friend from church. This lady is funny! More than a few times she had us looking at her like: ummmmm what?

 

The first time was when she asked me to go get her some food. My family all looked at me like "please don't embarass us, just go do it." Shoot when I'm eating it is best not to disturb me. I was going upstairs to get something for me and my husband. Didn't you see my mama didn't even ask me for anything? LOL But I'm not that rude so I brought it back down for her. They were having a discussion about my mom's disdain for washing greens ( I really don't see how y'all eat those. They smell like death and dispair) and how some people said they wash them in their bathtub and how she thought that was gross. The new lady then decided it was appropriate to share this:

NewLady:"my mama washed them just like she washed our clothes"

MamaTM: "oh you mean like scrubbing them out in the sink?"

NewLady:"Ummmhmm with Tide Washing powder"

Auntie: sitting behind her now giving the what the heck face

MamaTM: "oh you mean baking soda?"

NL: "Nooo, a little Tide washing powder get all the dirt out"

Auntie: "Ohhh you mean like dish detergent?"

NL:"Nooo like what she used on our clothes"

TheCount and TM: sitting on the couch laughing so hard at my aunt looking at the back of this woman's head like she was crazy and imagining going in the back to pull out the Tide to wash the produce for all future meals!

 

Has anybody else heard of this? Using washing powder to clean your food? Maybe this is something they do everywhere and my family missed the memo.

PotNoLuck luncheon

I didn't have time to do my Thanksgiving picture post yet, so I'll have that for tomorrow. I will keep this one food themed though. My department is having a potluck gift exchange next week. I love all things Christmas and I love all things food. EXCEPT potlucks! No sir, I am not a fan of the potluck. I love cooking and have no problem bringing something to share, but I do have a problem with other people cooking and bringing something to share. Why? Because not everybody has my same standards. I used to work with a woman with 4 inch acrylic nails. She was always offering some food or reaching into my food bag and I wouldn't touch anything she did. Why? Cuz not only were her nails super long she was very very overweight and I couldn't understand how she wiped her bottom without all that nastiness getting trapped under her nails. That is gross, can't do it. I thought working here would be different but then my officemate up and informs me of this:

 

 

She had some plumbing issues in her townhome the other week. Her toilet and shower started bubbling and they filled up with pee and poop. You get that? All of her neighbors pee and poop filled up her toilet and bathtub. So much so that it overflowed. And leaked down into the kitchen. Into the sink. Where she had dishes! It did this on Sunday, they waited a while to see if it would rectify itself, it didn't, so they called the plumber. The plumber came out on Monday and fixed it and then it happened again Monday night and another plumber came out Tuesday to fix it. There are 2million things wrong with this story, but the main things are: 1. How in the heck did your family sleep in a house filled with other people's waste. Can you imagine that smell? 2. That ish leaked through your ceiling. Did you get somebody in there to treat that? 3. This heifer said "I used a whole bottle of bleach cleaning up. I bleached the bathroom, the sink, and the dishes." Hold the heck up. You bleached the dishes? Did you mean to say you burned the dishes and then bleached the ashes? How can you eat on some dishes that were covered in YOUR NEIGHBORS WASTE! You are nasty. {another coworker and I had a field day reenacting scenes from those 3 days in her life. We imagined poop coming out of the shower head while bathing, her bad @ss daughter playing in it, and what her house will smell like next month when the stuff that leaked through her ceiling molds and starts stinking up the place}

 

Anyway, because of stories like that from coworkers, I aint eating nothing you cook! Bleached the dishes smh.

 

Now I'm torn. I guess I'll go and eat my dish a find out what people I trust made and eat that. I just don't want to offend anybody by not eating their dish cuz people always be asking "ohh did you try what I made?" I've got my standard excuse ready, "no, I'm deathly allergic!"