Me? Embarrassing? No Way!

So apparently TheCount thinks I'm embarrassing, lol. The nerve of him! It started when we went to Chevy Chase to get me added to his bank account. We were sitting down waiting for our turn and it was taking forever. I was trying to help so I pulled a pack of Uno cards out of my bag. Y'all he looked at me and asked, "why the heck do you have Uno cards in your bag?" I thought it was obvious, "you never know when an Uno attack will happen!" He made me put them away though, so I sat patiently waiting. When we got in there we were making small talk with the bank worker. We found out all about his upcoming wedding, that his wife went to the same college as us, and that he and TheCount have the same birthday. I asked about picking out a check design since I was informed by both men that CareBears checks would no longer be acceptable. As I was looking I couldn't find anything we could agree on. TheCount suggested Superman and for some reason bringing that up made me realize there were no black characters on any of the checks. Instead of coming out all crazy I simply asked:

Me: Umm are there any black super hero's?
TheCount: looking at me like ohhh here she go Well the Green Lantern is, at least on the Justice League cartoons
Me: Who is this Green Lantern? Is he a real super hero? Who he hang with?
Banker: Yes, he's real
Me: Well why doesn't he have a movie? Who's his homies? Batman? Superman?
TheCount: Girl, shut up he's not with anybody
Me: Well he's in the Justice League. A league is a group, he has to hang with somebody!
Banker: HAHAHAHAHA
TheCount: Baby, let it go
Me: NO! I want green lantern checks
Banker: We don't have those
Me: What about Obama checks?
TheCount: Baby please! Let's just look at these quotes and pick one of those.
Me: Ohhhh I like this one: Ask me about my grandkids
TheCount: Whatttttt?
Banker: They can ask, and she can tell them she doesn't have any!
Me and Banker: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
TheCount: hangs his head in shame, especially when I pulled out my box of milk duds because I was ready for a snack.

Later on we were at the mall:
TheCount: What about this picture for the kitchen He holds up a plaque that read Bon Appeteit with a fat italian man holding food
Me: I don't want that fat white man in my kitchen!
TheCount: BABY!
Me: Sorry, you know I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying, maybe if one of us was Italian I would see it differently because I would want to honor your heritage too. But that one, ummm negative
TheCount: So what we gotta have all black art in the house?
Me:No, but that fat italian will not be in my kitchen It was at this point I saw this lady cracking up at our interaction

Today in church:
PastorC: What is your expectation from God? (she was asking the congregation, not just me)
Me: Manna from heaven!
TheCount: Whattttt?
Me: I'm hungry. Shoot God dropped bread from heaven in the Bible time, he can do it now. I need to eat.
TheCount: Oh my goodness you are so embarrassing!

All this weekend he has been shaking his head in shame at me. Oh, I've also been banned from handling knives in our house! These things are just too sharp! While washing dishes yesterday I cut myself twice within 5 minutes. The second time I cut a chunk out of my pinky. Oh my God! I screamed and cried like child, it hurt so bad. TheCount had me in a bear hug because he realized I was about to spaz out and start throwing things across the house. So I stood in the kitchen bleeding and hollering and not able to move. When I calmed down he took me into the bathroom and cleaned my hand up and finished the dishes. If anybody needs good knife recommendations, I can provide one, just wear protective gear!