This will be your only warning. Do not invite us to your house, we will not leave! TheCount and I are taking over my parent's house. It's been great :)
Me: Mommy, we spending the night at your house tonight, ok?
Ma: No! I just cleaned up, y'all are messy
Me: Ok, see you after church.
I got there about 10:30pm, TheCount got their at 11. He parked in the driveway blocked my mama's car in when she was trying to go to Thanksgiving morning service.
Ma: Tell your husband if he has the balls to park in my driveway again, I'll break his neck
Thanksgiving night around 9pm
Me: Ma, you wanna go to the outlets, they are having a pajama jam at midnight!
Ma: Girl please, go home.
Me: Ok, come with me, spend the night at my house since the mall is 2 minutes from my house. TheCount can spend the night with daddy.
Ma: Shut up, just go downstairs and go back to sleep. Get me up at 3:30
Later between my parents:
Ma: You going to work tomorrow?
Ma: Then TheCount will be here by himself
Dad: So, he has a key
Ma: THEY DON'T LIVE HERE AND THAT BOY AINT FAMILY, PARKING IN MY DRIVEWAY LIKE HE CRAZY (btw, she was joking folks)
Dad: Please, them kids here more than we are
Daddy: Ummm, y'all only rented this room for one night. Why are you still here? Do I need to give you the extended rates?
Me: No daddy, we are leaving when TheCount gets done at the barbershop
I fall asleep in the bed with my mom watching tv. I wake up 2 hours later and TheCount is beside me, not my mom. At 9:30pm I go upstairs to talk to my mom.
Ma: Y'all getting ready to go?
It's midnight and guess where we still are?
I have lots of Thanksgiving pictures and the Black Friday loot to post later!
Friday, November 28, 2008
This will be your only warning. Do not invite us to your house, we will not leave! TheCount and I are taking over my parent's house. It's been great :)
Posted by Mrs Count at 11:55 PM
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Posted by Mrs Count at 9:54 AM
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Posted by Mrs Count at 9:53 AM
Monday, November 24, 2008
Posted by Mrs Count at 9:03 AM
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Did you read that title Pink? This is not about me, lol.
This happened to one of my friends this week. Three people are involved. Friend, Friends Mom, and Friends Grandmom. Got that? Follow along kiddies:
Mom: Why are your boobs so big? Are you pregnant?
Friend: No mom.
Mom: Yes you are, your boobs are getting bigger
Friend: Ma, please
A few days later
Grandmom: Is friend gaining weight? She's looking a little bigger. Don't say anything, I don't want to hurt her feelings.
Mom: gets to thinking. Hmmm her brothers have made me an illegitimate grandma 4 to many times. This girl better not be lying to me.
A few more days later. Friend is in the bathroom
Mom: bursts into the bathroom
Friend:Ma! I'm using the bathroom
Mom: Girl pee on this stick. You better not be lying to me, pee on this stick now
Friend: I already used the bathroom.
Mom: locks the bathroom door and stands in front of it You aint leaving till you pee on this damn stick!
Friend: I'm not pregnant ma!
Mom: Then pee on the stick
Friend pees on the stick. Guess what boys and girls? Duhhhhh she is soooo pregnant, lol. Well I shouldn't say sooooo. She is 20 days along. In 20 days her momma and grandmomma with Alzheimer's noticed she was getting big. IN 20 DAYS!
The story cracked me up, her momma is pissed though. She called MamaTM cussin and fussin. Told her husband then ran out the house. Lord, it's going to be some interesting times coming up.
I still have one question though. How do these little high school girls hide a pregnancy for 9 months (My friend no where near small, how did they see she was getting big)? These high schoolers live with their parents and interact with teachers and peers every day and nobody notices they are pregnant? My friend got busted in 20 DAYS! Unless somebody is lying about a timeline, these other parents got some splaining to do![you must read that part in the voice of Ricky Ricardo, go back, read it again, then comment, lol]
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Posted by Mrs Count at 11:29 AM
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Posted by Mrs Count at 9:40 AM
Sunday, November 16, 2008
So apparently TheCount thinks I'm embarrassing, lol. The nerve of him! It started when we went to Chevy Chase to get me added to his bank account. We were sitting down waiting for our turn and it was taking forever. I was trying to help so I pulled a pack of Uno cards out of my bag. Y'all he looked at me and asked, "why the heck do you have Uno cards in your bag?" I thought it was obvious, "you never know when an Uno attack will happen!" He made me put them away though, so I sat patiently waiting. When we got in there we were making small talk with the bank worker. We found out all about his upcoming wedding, that his wife went to the same college as us, and that he and TheCount have the same birthday. I asked about picking out a check design since I was informed by both men that CareBears checks would no longer be acceptable. As I was looking I couldn't find anything we could agree on. TheCount suggested Superman and for some reason bringing that up made me realize there were no black characters on any of the checks. Instead of coming out all crazy I simply asked:
Me: Umm are there any black super hero's?
TheCount: looking at me like ohhh here she go Well the Green Lantern is, at least on the Justice League cartoons
Me: Who is this Green Lantern? Is he a real super hero? Who he hang with?
Banker: Yes, he's real
Me: Well why doesn't he have a movie? Who's his homies? Batman? Superman?
TheCount: Girl, shut up he's not with anybody
Me: Well he's in the Justice League. A league is a group, he has to hang with somebody!
TheCount: Baby, let it go
Me: NO! I want green lantern checks
Banker: We don't have those
Me: What about Obama checks?
TheCount: Baby please! Let's just look at these quotes and pick one of those.
Me: Ohhhh I like this one: Ask me about my grandkids
Banker: They can ask, and she can tell them she doesn't have any!
Me and Banker: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
TheCount: hangs his head in shame, especially when I pulled out my box of milk duds because I was ready for a snack.
Later on we were at the mall:
TheCount: What about this picture for the kitchen He holds up a plaque that read Bon Appeteit with a fat italian man holding food
Me: I don't want that fat white man in my kitchen!
Me: Sorry, you know I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying, maybe if one of us was Italian I would see it differently because I would want to honor your heritage too. But that one, ummm negative
TheCount: So what we gotta have all black art in the house?
Me:No, but that fat italian will not be in my kitchen It was at this point I saw this lady cracking up at our interaction
Today in church:
PastorC: What is your expectation from God? (she was asking the congregation, not just me)
Me: Manna from heaven!
Me: I'm hungry. Shoot God dropped bread from heaven in the Bible time, he can do it now. I need to eat.
TheCount: Oh my goodness you are so embarrassing!
All this weekend he has been shaking his head in shame at me. Oh, I've also been banned from handling knives in our house! These things are just too sharp! While washing dishes yesterday I cut myself twice within 5 minutes. The second time I cut a chunk out of my pinky. Oh my God! I screamed and cried like child, it hurt so bad. TheCount had me in a bear hug because he realized I was about to spaz out and start throwing things across the house. So I stood in the kitchen bleeding and hollering and not able to move. When I calmed down he took me into the bathroom and cleaned my hand up and finished the dishes. If anybody needs good knife recommendations, I can provide one, just wear protective gear!
Posted by Mrs Count at 8:21 PM
Thursday, November 13, 2008
There is a certain blogger that thinks it's cute to just go missing. I'm not naming any names but she is located in the scroll bar and her name does match one of the colors on this blog. And I will hunt her triflin tail down and beat her into submission. Gonna come out talking about a date and stuff and then not post for darn near a week. This has become a pattern of hers lately and I'm not sure I like it. Ms. Pink, I'm calling you out!
Posted by Mrs Count at 1:37 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Posted by Mrs Count at 10:23 AM
Monday, November 10, 2008
Y'all better be glad Laughing 808 saved your sorry behinds, with your non suggestion giving selves. I shall be moving on from that subject. (If you're confused, read the post under this, SUGGEST SOMETHING and then come back and join us please)
Want to know what I spent my day doing? Getting lost. For work I had to go to a wellness fair at the social services office. Well first my dumb butt went to the social security office (it was on the same street). Ughhh I was soooooo embarrassed when the lady told me in front of that room full of people that I was in the wrong building and she didn't even know what I was talking about. Then I drove down some and saw a social services building. After fighting through the parking thought I thought, "surely this is correct, it's so crowded." I got out of my car only to be told to go down some more. I drive down and don't see the appropriate number, but I see big complex. I go in and in the back I find the right building. I once again get the box out of my car and I see my boss arriving as well. We go in only to find out that we are at the wrong location again! We go down the street and finally find it. Geez! I had a good time though. The nurse that was helping me was a 25 year old black chick from p.g. too. Good times we had! She's doing some of the other fairs coming up with me too so I'm excited. Anyway that was done at 2 so I was on my way back home to go to the social security office to change my name. I drove up and down the same street for 20 MINUTES trying to find this place. It was hidden in the back of a shopping center. I did that and got my name changed. I'm officially Mrs. Count. I change my drivers license Friday and get a new bank account Saturday.
After leaving there at 4, I try to find the Food Lion. Good Lord! I found: Giant, a random field, a firehouse, Columbia Mall, and a nice housing complex during my 30 minute trek to Food Lion. I was so frustrated. Found it, wasn't too impressed with their prices either, got my stuff and got out. Then I remembered that I had to go to the bank. Spent another 30 minutes lost trying to find that. Got there and didn't have the darn checks. I broke down crying and screaming outside the bank.
Want to know the real sad part? I had a darn GPS system and google directions and map pulled up on my phone! How dumb can I be. Ughhh, I need a chauffeur.
(get the title? If you don't please enroll yourself back in Elementary School, or go ask a 5th grader)
Posted by Mrs Count at 8:47 PM
Friday, November 7, 2008
Perhaps y'all didn't hear me yesterday. I asked you what can I do for the Count's birthday on the 22nd? (Those sentences must be read with much neck rolling and pursed lips) Now, I will ask this question every day until I get sufficient results. You may begin with the suggestions........
Posted by Mrs Count at 9:22 AM
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Posted by Mrs Count at 9:48 AM
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
We did it. Praise God, we did it. Who would have thought? Not me. But we did. How awesome is this?
Posted by Mrs Count at 11:09 PM
I voted! I waited in line for about an hour. TheCount had a different polling center it took him 2 minutes, lol. He was quite pleased with himself. I saw my neighbors and many many of my old customers fom my CVS days. It was a beautiful thing. My Momma was working the polls. She called me a little while ago proclaiming "if I see another black face I don't know what I'll do!" At that location there are 1400 people registered to vote. About 1000 have already come through. My mom was all excited talking about "all the drug dudes came through. They rode together, lol." It made me smile. After I voted I went to my parents house and stole some fried chicken and grapes. Yummy! Then I went grocery shopping while everybody else was still at work. This dude at Safeway was just a taste smitten with me. He kept checking on me while I was shopping. When I got in line he came and got ME and only me out of the line to ring me up on a different register, no wait. I thank God he mad me cute, lol.
I'm cooking my husband his favorite meal. I wanted to make him chili, since it's Barack's favorite food to cook, but he reminded me that Barack would not be in this house tonight so I shouldn't cater to him. Now we're having lasagna, mozzarella garlic bread, and cran-apple juice. I have the sparkling cider ready for tonight. I am soooo excited. Hopefully I'm done crying. I didn't cry when I voted but when I got in the car I kept hearing his speeches and gospel songs and I couldn't help it, I was bawling. Tonight, I celebrate. I'm ready guys. I just know it's going to be a great night!
Posted by Mrs Count at 5:46 PM
Monday, November 3, 2008
Ohhhhh I have the new google phone. Me likey! I'm trying to see if I set this thing to post from my phone correctly. The real post is below.
Posted by Mrs Count at 9:08 PM
Yesterday TheCount and I went out to dinner with some of his friends. During dinner TheCount said something that really hurt my feelings. I got silent and just sat there. As we all got up to leave everybody was deciding where they were going and TheCount told his friends that he couldn't go with them because he had to run me to some stores. As soon as I got in the car I started crying. TheCounts reaction to me crying only made me cry more. As we went from store to store we didn't speak to each other. We went to my parent's house to pick up a tv because ours died earlier that day. We didn't speak then. I wasn't feeling well after we ate so that didn't help. We got back home around 7. Y'all I cleaned from 7pm to 1am. I am proud to say our apartment is immaculate! The boxes of clothes that took up an entire wall in the bedroom? Done. The boxes of toiletries that took up all the space in front of the closet? Sorted, tossed, and put away. The boxes of wedding gifts in the dining room? Put away. Every dish, piece of lint on the floor, the hall closet, the bathroom. Finito! All of TheCounts work clothes ironed and put away. It makes me happy when I clean, it's peaceful. When I finally fell asleep last night I had a dream I got a raise at work.
This morning TheCount and I still did not speak. I said goodbye, he said the same. All day, no phone calls or texts. I got home at 6:15, no Count. Oh well. A few minutes later he comes in. No words. I get on the phone with my sister and I hear him in there putting something in the oven. When I finally come out of the bedroom I see he bought me the magnetic calendar I tried to find yesterday. I also see he bought a wireless router. I still don't speak to him but I do tell my sister that he did something nice. A little while later I bite his but. A little while after that he sits down and makes me fall and he laughs. Then the commercial comes on for the redskins-steelers game. He's a die hard redskin fan and I'm a steelers fan.
Me: Oh yeahhh the steelers are going to win
Him: Yeah right
And so it ends. Talking like old friends.
Him: What was wrong with you?
Me: you hurt my feelings....
Him: That wasn't my intention.....
Me: Yeah I know.
All is well :) We're about to watch my team beat his, he's hating already. Let me go get my jersey. I'm ready for some football!
Posted by Mrs Count at 7:46 PM