Fun Times

How was your weekend? I spent time with my momma, argued with a man over a taco ($3 extra for soft tortillas?!), almost had to slap a man in Home Depot over his foot fetish (you have really pretty feet, can I take a picture?), and feared for my life while my momma used power tools. All in all, a great time.

 

We're making a card box for my friends wedding. My momma is doing too much y'all. I had a pretty elaborate idea that required boxes, and fabric, and scissors, and glue, and ribbon. Her idea requires wood, and power saws, and nail guns, and staple guns, and paint, and nails, and locks, and hinges and embroidering machines. Apparently watching Tim "the Toolman" Taylor and Steve Urkel at night has given me an irrational fear of power tools. I was terrified my momma was gonna shoot me in the hand. Or a nail was gonna bounce back up and hit me in the face. Or I was gonna step on the nail gun and get nailed to the floor. My ma was laughing so hard because I kept guarding my face and standing in the chair.

 

Me: BE CAREFUL! YOU MIGHT SHOOT ME IN THE EYE!

Ma: Silly girl, get down! It only shoots if my hand is on the trigger- look.

Me: DON'T POINT THAT AT MY FACE! I COULD DIE!

Ma: I carried a gun for 28 years, I am not going to accidentally pull the trigger. Come on.

Me: Famous last words. Now be careful. Don't shoot me in the hand.

 

Then one time I thought I got shot with a nail in my hand (my hand was really close, like an inch away, but it was just the air pressure because the nail went through the wood). I almost blacked out. Picture this: 24 year old. Jumps back. Holds up hand. Screams "YOU GOT ME! YOU SHOT ME!" realizes she didn't get shot "YOU ALMOST GOT ME. YOU ALMOST SHOT MY FINGER! I ALMOST GOT A NAIL THROUGH MY FINGER." Mom apologizes to her crazy child.

 

Don't even get me on that dang power saw. She kept trying to make me use it. All I could picture was losing control and sawing my knee off. Absolutely ridiculous. My tool belt is going to have all manual things and a mini pink power drill. All that big stuff is not for me. I'd rather take an hour and saw it by hand.