Ohhh Scandolous!

I just got back from the doctor. She was saying all sorts of words I didn't want to hear and I won't repeat them because words have power. I'm about to call a specialist and go in to see her. I won't say I'm scared, but I am a little concerned. And I will be angry if what the doctor was saying turns out to be accurate. I will be angry because I have seen 2 doctor's and had 2 emergency room visits behind this. Yeahhhhhh, it's been going on for years! Anyway I would like to take this time to say Kaiser is tha bomb! She's going to email me my lab results in about an hour to rule out some things which is helpful, no long waits and stress. Woohoo!

Yesterday they decided on Bosslady's permanent replacement. Wanna know who? Wait for it.......wait for it.....her best friend! It's not as scandalous and dramatic as I just tried to make it though. I was trying to spice up my day, lol. But seriously her BFF is taking over her job. I found out the client requested the Bosslady be taken of the account, she liked the rest of us but referred to Bosslady as incompetent (she said it in a nice way though) she even volunteered to call her and explain herself, but Bossman told her that's ok, he'd take care of it. I like the new lady though. I don't know what to call her. I'll have to think on this one, she was my office sHero though. She started out in customer service and worked her way up to where she is in 4 years (that's kind of a big deal) and she has a new baby, and her wedding picture is her computer background ( I like things like that), and she's pretty with nice hair (I'm obsessed with hair). She also has a very loud, very ugly, laugh. Why is that relevant? Because when I was younger Mama TM had this conversation with me: Baby, you laugh way to loud. Why do you do that? No man wants a loud woman, especially one that starts screaming out in public. You need to tone it down if you ever want a man. It was so funny to me, because when I say "I was screaming laughing" I mean it! I can't help it, if something is really funny I scream and laugh calm down and repeat. About 4 times! If I simply can't be loud then my laugh is completely silent which usually results in my curled up on the floor shaking violently from laughter. They are equally as embarrassing! Anyway, I have to think of a name for new Bosslady. I'll have one by Tuesday.

Tomorrow I'll be at another health fair right by my house which means I'll be home by 2:30 on Friday woot woot! Start the long weekend out right :)

The Conclusion of the Bosslady Chronicles

As I'm sitting at my desk on Friday taking out my braids* I see my old officemate run up to my door, jerk it open and slam it behind her:

Officemate: "Bosslady just got fired," she exclaimed!
Me: "Whhattttttttttttt," I cried loudly.
Officemate: "The receptionist just told me, apparently they are letting people go today."
At this precise moment the director of our department knocks on the door
Director: "I need to talk to you 2."
Me: "Ohhh your dress is so pretty."
Director: "Thank you. I forgot to call you 2 into my office earlier. Have you heard the news today?"
At this moment current officemate opens the door, sees Director in there and freezes.
Current Officemate: "Should I leave back out?"
Director: " No, it's fine come in. As you know I had to let Bosslady go today. Many factors played into the decision, like client satisfaction and retention. How good of a job they were doing and whether or not somebody else could do it better. There will be more cuts on Monday so don't say anything."
Seeing the instant fear in all of our eyes, she continues,"Oh, but you guys are fine! Don't worry this is the last of the cuts, I'm going home now, this has been a tiring day. But your jobs are safe, don't worry."

She leaves the room and we all stare bug eyed. She mentioned the names of the other managers that got the axe and of course we had to discuss them. My friend and black-man-brother Superhero came in at that moment. Both of his bosses got cut. He was like ummmm "what do I do now?" The rest of the day no work got done. Everybody was walking around talking about the news wondering if the other offices were having such an eventful day (they were, the stories are very sad). About an hour or so later my phone rings:

Bosslady: "Hey honey, how are you?"
Me: "I'm fine," is all I say because what do you say in this situation?
Bosslady: "Did you hear what happened?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, Director just came in and told me."
Bosslady: "I'm sorry I didn't come in and say goodbye, I just couldn't. They were very diplomatic they came in and talked to me and then let Bosslady's Friend come in and talk to me afterward. I took the back way out."
Me: "That's understandable."

She went on and asked me to pack up her things for her and called out a list of her belongings. I felt so weird in "her" office packing up her stuff. Y'all was I wrong for taking her heater for myself? Superhero was like, "oh the heater isn't hers." I turned to him and said, "duhhhhh this is going to my office!" That was the laugh of the day! I found some great supplies, cuz hey, she won't be using them!

Seriously though, I am sad that the Bosslady Chronicles have to end this way. I actually liked Bosslady when she wasn't yelling at me in front of company. I'm sure there will be many interesting stories in the days to come. I'll have to wait until I get home to post them, because I'm no fool!**


*Don't worry I wasn't yanking out weave in the office. I was unbraiding the hair in the ponytail. By the end of the day I had a huge crinkly pony tail. Would you believe they kept telling me it was cute?

**I typed this Friday night and am going to post Monday morning from my phone. You never know who's watching, and a sista needs her job, I's gettin married soon!

Bosslady strikes again!

Let me just tell you how glad I am now that my name was not on that presentation! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA It was such a blessing in disguise, I'm glad I didn't press the issue. I don't want to go into detail about all that went wrong because they might try to accuse me of telling some company secrets, lol. I will say this though. Bosslady showed her tail worse than I have ever seen it before. Everybody in our department has come to check on me this morning to see if I am ok. She was walking up and down the hall fussing at me accusing me of things I didn't do and blaming everybody and everything except herself for the things that were going wrong. Bosslady you are in charge of this, I can't print and bind until you tell me to. When did she finally say I could? Two hours before it was time to go. I had 12 73-page reports to do! Then she wouldn't even let me do it. She kept telling me to do other things, that she would handle it. Well let me tell you they were a mess! Yesterday as I ran up and down between floors people kept giving me this sympathetic look and offering their help. I was like you have to check with Bosslady, right now I just do as I'm told. I didn't really get stressed or upset because everybody was like "breathe, it's not you, it's her. Don't let her affect you." One person told me to "shake her @55 down and then cut her if she says something else mean to you." Needless to say I didn't take that advice, I would like to stay employed and out of jail. So after bosslady acted a fool all up in our office we finally got ready to go meet the client. 30 minutes late. One of the directors in our department came up to me at 1:45 and was like what time is your meeting? I looked at her like is this a trick question? I told her 2:30 you should have seen the look on her face. By the time we left our office we had to get from Rockville to Baltimore in 20 minutes in order to be on time. As I said, we didn't make it on time! Bosslady was trying to make me ride with her. No ma'am! Number 1, I may try to kill you for acting this way today 2. I don't want to be near you right now, I need to call my mom and talk about you 3. I'm not coming back to this office today I'm taking my behind to church tonight because if I don't you may not live! She was walking behind me in the parking garage talking about: "I really think you should ride with us, it will be safer, I'll know you will be on time, what if something happens?" My response: I kept walking like she wasn't talking. No way was I getting in her car.

It made me smile that my coworkers all tried to come to my rescue yesterday and they came today to check on me. Bosslady isn't here yet and I want to see if any of the people higher up than her have a little talk with her. I sure hope so because yesterday her behavior was not cool!

Hair talk

Speaking of hair here are 2 funny conversations that have come about at work because of the braids

Oldwhitelady: What's different about your hair?
Me: Braids
Oldwhitelady: Are they extensions?
Me: (thinking-duh do you think my hair just got this long and thick overnight?) Yes
Oldwhitelday: Oh well they look nice
Me: Thanks (now please go away)

Bosslady: (calling my phone) Girl, do you have a new 'do? Come in here and let me see that!
Me: Ok, I'm coming over.
We start talking and the gist of the conversation is this. Bosslady has a lady boss in this office. She asked the woman if it was ok for her to get braids since there were important client meetings coming up she wanted to make sure. Bosslady's bosslady told her it was fine. Well a couple of weeks later Bosslady's bosslady is in the conference room meeting with somebody and Bosslady walks by. This woman says to the stranger "geez I wish she would get her real hair back". This person was friends with bosslady and came and told her. Bosslady was like "girl, that's how I know I was cute, she was jealous I was looking all young and sexy!"

Ok bosslady, get it then girl! I was cracking up. If I was bosslady I would have kept getting my hair braided and dare her to say something. I was in there egging her on, oh girl you should get them again, that would be cute. She was like sometimes people (that aren't black) don't really understand the logistics of our hair, but don't worry if somebody says anything to you I will set them straight. I tell ya she just won't let me hate her, lol.

Shut up Thera!

I almost got myself into trouble today! This morning I decided I was going to watch what I say out of my mouth. Often times I get smart or gossip when I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Well today Bosslady is working from home which means 101 phone calls from her today. The other coordinator (Z) and I were working on some member details. She called us more than a few times while we were working on it and after awhile it just got annoying. We were doing something she doesn't know how to do and has expressed no interest in learning either yet she kept acting as if she knew it all and got mad when we tried to explain it to her. Well she was being a little rude and snippy and all of a sudden we can't hear her anymore. She had been having some reception issues with her phone and we kept calling her name to no response. Z suggested I try and conference her back in, it didn't work. So Z and I discuss what we are working on waiting for her to call us back. Now every time we get off a call with her, one of us always throws in a sly comment about bosslady. We'll either discuss why she was acting the way she was, or how what she said didn't make sense. This time neither of us did, we acted professionally stayed on task, and got off the phone to wait for bosslady to call back. 2 minutes later:

Bosslady: Hey Thera, I don't know what happened to the phone I could hear everything you guys were saying but I guess you couldn't hear me.
Me: No, we sure couldn't hear you, we thought you lost reception (inside doing a praise dance thanking God my smart mouth didn't get me into trouble)

That could have been a really ugly situation and it definitely made me realize how important it is to watch what you say, not only at work but other places as well. You never know who's listening!

I still haven't asked about the heater. I'm scared I won't get the response I want, then I might try to snip more than her cord!

We interrupt this regularly scheduled bathroom break

Question for you: Do you talk to people while they are using the bathroom? I'm not talking about family members, I mean coworkers.

Yesterday I went to the bathroom and bosslady was at the sink. Of course I spoke and then went into the stall, but she kept talking. Talking about her vacation, where she went last year, how she wasn't going to have time to go this year, blahblahblah. The whole time I'm thinking, I am trying to pee! I couldn't do it. I was so uncomfortable with her talking to me while my pants were down that I couldn't even use the bathroom. So I walked out and continued our conversation and went back to my office. I was telling my sister about it and was like that was rude, you don't talk to somebody while they are peeing. And my sister asked "says who?" I stopped and thought about it, I just thought it was one of those unspoken rules or common courtesy, but apparently not. My sister was like don't be mad at her because you can't perform with an audience! So that brings me to my question again. Do you talk to people while they are using the bathroom? Do you find it uncomfortable when people do?

We interrupt this regularly scheduled lunch

Bosslady strikes again! I left to go get my lunch at 12-same time as every day. When I get back to my desk I have all sorts of voicemails and emails. The first one came in at 12:09. "Ummm bosslady wanted me to get you involved in this issue. Call me" and other things like that. But ummmm it only takes one person to resolve an issue! Why must I be included and why must it be while I am eating. I called him back and told him "I'm eating, no I can't be involved right now." He kept on apologizing, I was like it's ok you don't know when I eat lunch-she does.

On a happier note, although I heard her lash out on a couple of people yesterday and today she has been quite pleasant to me still. But I did make her have another heat flash! I was sitting at her desk and she was fine, but as soon as I went and stood next to her she started sweating like crazy!

Heart to hearts, dancing, and mice, oh my!

Ummm, is somebody calling Bosslady to tell her what I'm saying about her? I was all set to sit down and think of a blog to post yesterday (I decided next week will be "Back in the day" week!) when she called me into her office. I know yall are thinking my smart mouth got me fired, but I really am super sweet in person lol. Anyway, we start talking about some assignment she had me do that we needed to follow up on and then the conversation meandered everywhere else.

We talked about her life (34 year old daughter and things like that), we talked about my cousin coming home from the war tomorrow, her brother dying in the vet hospital, and her being a hospital Nazi. But then she started asking how I was adjusting working here since it's been a little over 2 months. I expressed how much I like it here and stuff and then she started apologizing again for how she talks to me sometimes and then we had an honest discussion about promotion potential, bonuses (who knew?!), and their plans for me in the company. She spent a good 20 minutes talking about how all the people I have helped so far have told her I have been doing a really good job (I guess they didn't expect much from me, lol) and they were impressed. So once again Bosslady has softened me up. I even forgave her for making me miss the shuttle to the Metro station because she wanted to dance (yes dance, full on dance) in the middle of my office floor! I guess I just have to learn her and then I won't be so offended when she chooses to act like she has no class or manners lol. I'll definitely be back with another post today. I'm working from the client's office in Baltimore for the next week and there is nothing to do here (and rumor has it there is mice, If I see one, I'm calling the news, watch out for my expose on government buildings)! Off to blog hop, be back later.

We interrupt this regularly scheduled lunch time

I should make this a feature part of my blog, I love to see what this woman comes up with!

Bosslady: "Ohhh, did you get that from downstairs?" as she eyes my lunch....then proceeds to talk and talk and talk and talk some more about the place downstairs. How she loves it, a lot of people don't, what number did I order, how she likes sauce and brown powder! I just kept chewing, then she hit me with this "you look like you're struggling, they have knives in the kitchen honeybunny"
Me:"Yes, but then I would have to get up"
Bosslady: "Well then just keep on eating with your fingers honeybunny" LOL if you weren't in here you wouldn't see it!

Hopefully I'll be back with a real post later today, I have some ideas running around in my head lol.

Question: It doesn't affect anything if you skip the inactive pills in you BC pack does it? Do they like help you have super powers or something, because I don't want to miss out!

Can you hear me now?

Bossman is still here! At least he doesn’t keep coming in my office for silly little things, although he does keep looking in here so I at least try and look busy. Bosslady is working from home today, which I am thoroughly enjoying! She did manage to call me and ask me something ohso dumb though, I think she likes my voice! Well let’s go back to last week. Bosslady was trippin! I didn’t know what to do but one day I got really mad. I don’t get mad often and I act out my anger even less, but I think she was one conversation away from experiencing my wrath. She was HOLLERING at me over the phone for things that were her fault! The other lady in my office was looking at me because wide eyed because I just sat the phone down and I was shaking (step 1 of my anger), so I responded to her in the softest voice I could (step 2, I have to speak soft because I sound like I’m about to cry when I’m upset), and hung up the phone (step 3, talk reckless, get ignored).****

Well the next day when she came in, there was a department meeting. During that meeting, she acted a darn fool holding it up arguing about something stupid. Well somebody wasn’t having it and Ms.Boldness told bosslady off! You will never guess what bosslady had the nerve to say to her, “I don’t like the way you are talking to me!” HAHAHAHAHA For real lady? You have some nerve. I will say though, since that incident bosslady has taken a whole different tone with me. Even when I messed up doing something yesterday she talked to me in a civil manner instead of trying to make me feel dumb. It was refreshing. She told me I did a good job on a couple of things I worked on for her and I was beaming. A little kindness goes a long way in my book. Now, if she could only remember that I have lunch from 12-1. EVERY SINGLE DAY, she finds a reason to interrupt me.

Day 1: Her: “Why is your door shut?” Me: “Because I’m eating ribs and didn’t want to stink up the office” Her: “Oh, you’re on lunch, are you done yet?” Me: Chewing my food, looking at the clock refusing to answer a question that is obvious
Day 2: Her: “Ummm, so what projects are you working on now?” Me: “My lunch”
Day 3: It’s 12:30 and I’m eating and she comes to my door Her:“You take lunch from 1-2 right?” Me: as I’m swallowing my food “No, it’s from 12-1” Her: Ohhhh

It wouldn’t have been so bad if this wasn’t 3 consecutive days! Now I think she’s just trying to be funny. I’ll be walking by, food in hand and she’ll think of something dumb to ask me. But she isn’t in today, and I just had a full hour to eat with no interruption. Pure bliss!


****The worst thing you can do to me is holler at me. No joke. Growing up I don’t recall one time that my mother actually yelled at my sister or me out of anger. Talked sternly yes, got louder when we acted deaf, yes, but actually yelled? Not once! I’ll say things like she yelled at me and by that I mean fussing, no anger fueled tirades in my house growing up. I am the same way and expect that courtesy from other people. I have broken up with dudes because they raised their voice at me. Most people don’t see why I make a big deal out of it and I tell them it’s just one thing I will not tolerate, under any circumstance!