Ohhh Scandolous!

I just got back from the doctor. She was saying all sorts of words I didn't want to hear and I won't repeat them because words have power. I'm about to call a specialist and go in to see her. I won't say I'm scared, but I am a little concerned. And I will be angry if what the doctor was saying turns out to be accurate. I will be angry because I have seen 2 doctor's and had 2 emergency room visits behind this. Yeahhhhhh, it's been going on for years! Anyway I would like to take this time to say Kaiser is tha bomb! She's going to email me my lab results in about an hour to rule out some things which is helpful, no long waits and stress. Woohoo!

Yesterday they decided on Bosslady's permanent replacement. Wanna know who? Wait for it.......wait for it.....her best friend! It's not as scandalous and dramatic as I just tried to make it though. I was trying to spice up my day, lol. But seriously her BFF is taking over her job. I found out the client requested the Bosslady be taken of the account, she liked the rest of us but referred to Bosslady as incompetent (she said it in a nice way though) she even volunteered to call her and explain herself, but Bossman told her that's ok, he'd take care of it. I like the new lady though. I don't know what to call her. I'll have to think on this one, she was my office sHero though. She started out in customer service and worked her way up to where she is in 4 years (that's kind of a big deal) and she has a new baby, and her wedding picture is her computer background ( I like things like that), and she's pretty with nice hair (I'm obsessed with hair). She also has a very loud, very ugly, laugh. Why is that relevant? Because when I was younger Mama TM had this conversation with me: Baby, you laugh way to loud. Why do you do that? No man wants a loud woman, especially one that starts screaming out in public. You need to tone it down if you ever want a man. It was so funny to me, because when I say "I was screaming laughing" I mean it! I can't help it, if something is really funny I scream and laugh calm down and repeat. About 4 times! If I simply can't be loud then my laugh is completely silent which usually results in my curled up on the floor shaking violently from laughter. They are equally as embarrassing! Anyway, I have to think of a name for new Bosslady. I'll have one by Tuesday.

Tomorrow I'll be at another health fair right by my house which means I'll be home by 2:30 on Friday woot woot! Start the long weekend out right :)

PSA!!!!

I had to go to Hagerstown for work today so I haven't been around. We picked up my moms cousin from the train station (the one that had the twin sister die last month). She's about 60 and has an adopted 2 year old boy. They've been here an hour and it has prompted me to make this public service announcement.

Dear Parents,

When you are putting your child with other people, especially childless people, it is vitally important that YOU remember a car seat! Lady that left your child last week, how did you forget to give us a car seat? Cousin that just rode the train down here 3 hours, how did you not bring a car seat? Do they not use them in New York? Also please remember to bring YOUR child some toys! If you know you have a 2 year old boy why would you leave for a 5 day trip with not one thing for him to play with? Ummm it's not appropriate for him to keep on playing with the sliding glass doors, you could have bought him an action figure or something! One more thing. I'll beat your child if you won't!Got that? If he touches it again I'm popping his hand. And I'll keep on popping it until he learns not to touch it. Thank you. That is all.

Movin' on up!

Last weekend Mama & Papa TM came along with the Count and I to go check out our future neighborhood after dark. That is the BIGGEST regret I had about the last apartment I lived in (the one that lasted 2 weeks- I blogged about it but can't find it to link it). Had I gone after dark I never would have moved there. I'm sorry but I can't do the whole neighborhood out all night, and half the neighborhood getting arrested in one swoop. Nope! TM does not need to be there :) I also didn't want it to be like last time where my second day there every dude not only knew my name (I didn't tell it to any of them) but decided that instead of Therapeutic they had the right to call me Thera, y'all don't know me like that! -when I was moving out, random dude #26156451 was hollering across the street "aww Thera, don't leave us. We got your back, it'll be ok" Dude-who are you?

Anyway as we walked around the neighborhood there were only 2 people outside and both of them were on the phone, I know how that is, my neighbors across the street now go outside to talk on the phone (although as loud as they are they only end up telling more people their business). I was very happy! There was also plenty of parking which was a concern of mine because I can't just be circling the lot all day (had to do that in school and it wasn't cool). Also there is a gas station, safeway, day spa and some other things right down the street! Like walking distance :) Yayyyy that means the count can go fill up my car for me when he gets home, or before work. As we were walking we saw people on the ground floor with their blinds wide open watching huge flat screens.


Count: Well it must be pretty safe around here

MamaTM: Why you say that?

Count: Cuz these fools just advertising what they have, and their window faces a main road! Try that mess in our neighborhood now and when you get home from work, trust, your tv won't be there!

Me: Ohhhh you think we should steal her tv?

MamaTM: you make me sad when you say things like that

Me and Count: Hahahahahahaha! ( I really do talk about stealing a lot. A whoolllleeeee lot, but I've never stolen anything. I promise!)

But people were just bold with how they let you see in the house. Which I guess is a good thing, cuz I surely enjoyed looking in their windows. Count and I did the details of our budget last night. You want to spend $15 a day on food? There's 2 of us, that $900 a month for groceries! Dude, I like to eat but not that darn much. You better take your tail down to that Safeway and catch some sales! After we worked out grocery budgets, tv, internet, phones, school loans, entertainment, the list goes on and on we then filled out the paperwork, which he is supposed to take up to the place today or tomorrow. I am one of those over planning types. I need to evaluate the worse case scenario. Have it all written out, that way I know what to expect. I don't deal well with surprises. Especially money surprises! I want to move him in the apartment on the 13th. That gives us some time to get ready. There should be a lot of good Labor day sales this weekend, so if you see some, please pass the info this way, y'all know all we have is a mattress (that he can't have until I move in, in October, so ughhh, I guess we need an air mattress for him until then)!





Oh and my cousin said we could have a lovely leather love seat. She's uppity so I knew it would be nice, lol. Prayerfully more people will just so happen to have extra furniture around!



This story is still hilarious to me. I randomly remembered it today. Skip down to the bottom 3 paragraphs.

The Conclusion of the Bosslady Chronicles

As I'm sitting at my desk on Friday taking out my braids* I see my old officemate run up to my door, jerk it open and slam it behind her:

Officemate: "Bosslady just got fired," she exclaimed!
Me: "Whhattttttttttttt," I cried loudly.
Officemate: "The receptionist just told me, apparently they are letting people go today."
At this precise moment the director of our department knocks on the door
Director: "I need to talk to you 2."
Me: "Ohhh your dress is so pretty."
Director: "Thank you. I forgot to call you 2 into my office earlier. Have you heard the news today?"
At this moment current officemate opens the door, sees Director in there and freezes.
Current Officemate: "Should I leave back out?"
Director: " No, it's fine come in. As you know I had to let Bosslady go today. Many factors played into the decision, like client satisfaction and retention. How good of a job they were doing and whether or not somebody else could do it better. There will be more cuts on Monday so don't say anything."
Seeing the instant fear in all of our eyes, she continues,"Oh, but you guys are fine! Don't worry this is the last of the cuts, I'm going home now, this has been a tiring day. But your jobs are safe, don't worry."

She leaves the room and we all stare bug eyed. She mentioned the names of the other managers that got the axe and of course we had to discuss them. My friend and black-man-brother Superhero came in at that moment. Both of his bosses got cut. He was like ummmm "what do I do now?" The rest of the day no work got done. Everybody was walking around talking about the news wondering if the other offices were having such an eventful day (they were, the stories are very sad). About an hour or so later my phone rings:

Bosslady: "Hey honey, how are you?"
Me: "I'm fine," is all I say because what do you say in this situation?
Bosslady: "Did you hear what happened?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, Director just came in and told me."
Bosslady: "I'm sorry I didn't come in and say goodbye, I just couldn't. They were very diplomatic they came in and talked to me and then let Bosslady's Friend come in and talk to me afterward. I took the back way out."
Me: "That's understandable."

She went on and asked me to pack up her things for her and called out a list of her belongings. I felt so weird in "her" office packing up her stuff. Y'all was I wrong for taking her heater for myself? Superhero was like, "oh the heater isn't hers." I turned to him and said, "duhhhhh this is going to my office!" That was the laugh of the day! I found some great supplies, cuz hey, she won't be using them!

Seriously though, I am sad that the Bosslady Chronicles have to end this way. I actually liked Bosslady when she wasn't yelling at me in front of company. I'm sure there will be many interesting stories in the days to come. I'll have to wait until I get home to post them, because I'm no fool!**


*Don't worry I wasn't yanking out weave in the office. I was unbraiding the hair in the ponytail. By the end of the day I had a huge crinkly pony tail. Would you believe they kept telling me it was cute?

**I typed this Friday night and am going to post Monday morning from my phone. You never know who's watching, and a sista needs her job, I's gettin married soon!

Whatchu know about Chico's?

Another Double post Friday!

Yesterday I had to go to Salisbury to do a health fair for work. Since my mom is still shopping for her mother of the bride dress (see post below) she decided to ride out there with me. So I show up at 9am because bosslady told me it started at 10 and I needed to be an hour early. I was the only fool there! Why? Because #1, it only takes 5 minutes to set up a table and #2 an email went out last week changing the fair time from 10-2 to 11-3:30. I was pissed! I know bosslady got that darn email! Anyway, the fair went well, I had a lot of fun. On the 2 1/2 hour trip back home MamaTM and I stopped at the outlets because she didn't find any good stores in Salisbury. Oh my goodness we were mad women running through those stores! Oh the sales :)

First we went in BCBC because of course, that is my favorite store. As I began grabbing things MamaTM decided we should come do that store last. We went next door to WhiteHouseBlackMarket to get our Michelle Obama on and would you believe all their pants were on sale for $19.99 and shirts for $29.99! Say what now? I went to this rack and there were 2 pairs of brown pants. One in TM's size and one in MamaTM's size. I grabbed those for us and my turned to my mom who had a pair of white pants in her hands for us. It was great! So now we have 2 of the same pair and I kept running around telling her "we're like twins almost" because that's what my sister and I used to always say when we liked the same clothes. We got those and the next great find came in Nine West. I got 2 new pairs of shoes a cute pair of low heels and some dazzling 4 inch heels. In Dress Barn I tried to assault MamaTM because she was picking up some ugly clothes! I made her get dressed and leave the store to continue on our deals of the century trip. MamaTM went into Chico's because I kept telling her that's where Michael Phelps' mom shopped (not sure if it's true by MamaTM loves all things Mike so she went). I'm standing waiting for her not really looking around because, well, it's Chico's. The saleslady comes and asks if I'm finding anything and I was like oh, I'm just waiting for her. Saleslady looks at me and declares "I have the perfect outfit for you! Ohhh but you're teeny, you probably need a size 1." Mama TM hears this obviously delusional woman's statement and tells me to turn around so she can see my rear! Apparently Chico's has developed their own sizing because my mom was a size 2.5! I was like ohhh wowwww I never thought I would have any clothing with numbers this low. If you're ever feeling fat, head over to Chico's and put on a size 1 or 2 or 3, heck any of those numbers will make you feel good! We each ended up with 2 pairs of linen pants out of there (I'm pretty sure we bought the same thing again). We head back over to BCBG to finish out our little 2 hour shopping trip and we end up with 4 dresses. MamaTM was dancing around the dressing room (we were in the same one) talking about how cute she was and the sales lady was like, oh try this and through it over and my mom was loving that too! BCBG dresses for $29????? Can't say no to that! I got a white dress with tan trim to wear to the rehearsal dinner and on the honeymoon. I tried to convince my mom to buy me a $230 bag. It was huge like a diaper bag, I was in the corner whining "please mommy, I'll have a baby next year if you get it for me!" She almost considered it until she realized that there was no guarantee. She was like you're gonna be looking at me next year talking about "I don't know why we can't get pregnant mom, maybe because I'm still on birth control, or maybe because the count uses condoms, either way, thanks for the bag!" The sales people were cracking up and she was soooo right! I aint selling my uterus for no $230 bag!

Wedding Wednesday: Friday Edition

Mama TM and Mama Count went out on Tuesday to shop for their dresses for the wedding. Mama Count didn't find anything but my mom came back in with 2 dresses. I went into her room to watch her try them on and I had my sister on the webcam so she could see too. The first one was very pretty but needed a few alterations, it was a nice light gold color. The second dress was a little bit more silver and when my mom stood in front of the computer to show my sister my sister screamed out "If you don't take that aluminum foil off of your body and take that mess back to the store!" We were screaming laughing. It was so unexpected, I didn't think the dress was that bad, but it's going back tomorrow. Mama TM also made Mama Count cut down her list of guests. MamaC was trippin with all those people she wanted to invite, yet she isn't putting in any money. She was cool about it and trimmed down the list so now some people I actually know will get to attend the wedding.

My dad owns a catering business with his cousin. On Sunday this woman comes up to cousin while my mom was talking to him and asks if they can cater her daughters wedding in October. This is how the convo played out:

MamaTM: Oh what day in October?
Lady: the 11th
MamaTM: Oh! That's when my daughter is getting married, what made you guys pick that date?
Lady: well she picked it
Cousin: Well we're doing Thera's wedding that day
Lady: we wouldn't need yall to do much just.....
MamaTM: Sorry they are booked
Lady: well, you know my daughters in the hospital. We almost lost her, we didn't know if she was going to make it for a while there
MamaTM: maybe you should postpone the wedding then....
Cousin: (cutting my mama off cuz he saw where this was going) Well maybe you could use "my mom's best friend that is also a caterer"
MamaTM: oops! sorry, we booked her too

When my mom told us this story on Sunday we couldn't figure out why the lady felt the need to bring up the fact that her daughter almost died. Andddd???? I mean I'm sorry but does that now make her wedding more important? I wish my daddy would be cooking for somebody else when I'm having a reception for 250ppl. Attention over here: TM has that church on lock lady, you need to change her date, all resources and people have been committed to me!

A bunch of nothing

Why did I just go in the kitchen to warm up my snack and I see this lady putting out sandwiches I turn around for 2 seconds and turn back around to see every black employee and intern under 25 swarming her for food! Ya'll did they put out a memo? It was like 10 people in the ktichen all of them black and all of them way too excited about some sandwiches!

I went to the cleaners yesterday to pick up my pants. I paid turned around and walked right out without my clothes! Oh lord, I must have been some kind of tired.

My mom laughed me out yesterday when I told her I wanted to be a pole vaulter for the next olympics. It could happen hater!

I haven't mentioned it before but I looooveeeeee watching the olympics. I jump I scream I stay up way to late. It's great :)

Bosslady has been extraextra sweet lately. Yesterday she was in her office but not answering calls or emails. What the heck is going on? My officemate said something is going on so I'm going to make sure I'm on point because I aint going no where!

I'm going shoe shopping!!!!! I keep breaking the left heel of my shoes. When I stand I put all the weight on one leg and looking at my shoes you can definately tell :( So what are your favorite dress shoe brands? If they make your feet hurt I don't want to know about them, keep that pain to yourself!