Thursday, May 28, 2009

In which I talk about everybody but me

Since I am happily perched upon my high horse today, I shall take this time to talk about what everybody else is doing wrong in their life. Not me though, I'm perfect up here on my high horse.
My office mate is going to make me kick her in her teeth. For a multitude of reasons really. One being that she keeps on singing and humming loudly to her music. We normally both sit in here with one earphone in so we still look professional, while still being able to enjoy our individual music. Yesterday, however, I had to put both headphones in and look like a complete jerk to everybody entering our office. I'm working on a really time consuming audit project and I don't have the patience to put up with her random moaning to her music. The other reason I'm going to kick her is that she's trying to get pregnant. One would think that you would be extra healthy during this time. I mean, SisterTM texted me a threat that she was going to fly up here and poke holes in our condoms and add powdered vitamins to all of our foods and beverages. Even that evil little devil spawn knows the importance of starting off healthy. What does my office mate do? Guzzle Pepsi and Coffee. She complains of being tired every single day and says "I must need some caffeine and sugar." Ummmmm idiot girl, that is not the ideal way to provide your body with energy. Since I was helping her track her fertility (uhh yeahhhhhh, we're way too close) she was keeping me in the know about the situation.
Her: Yeah, we did the rabbit thing the dates I was most fertile, so we'll see.
Me: Yeah, and as soon as you stop drinking all that Pepsi and drink a glass or 8 of water every now and then, you'll be good to go.
Her: I know, this time I decided, only water while I'm pregnant. Not 6 pepsi's a day. Maybe that's why my daughter is so hyper now.
This morning while I was riding my high horse into the building I saw my coworker from the picnic that had the child I had to chase down and return to her. She said she's going back to school. What does she want to be? A dang social worker. I wonder if it'll cause office tension when her coworker shows up at her house to take her own kid from her?
I'm going to be back to my job hunt for TheCount. Why? Cuz his cheap tail is gonna make me kick him in his teeth too. Since you so stressed about me spending $17 at The Gap on 2 pairs of pants, why don't we get you a job making some more money, cuz I aint leaving my job no time soon in search of greener pastures. He cracks me up and I stress him out. We are not struggling by any means, but he is so serious about stuff that he doesn't leave any room for fun (if you call work pants fun). For the month of June, I'm going to appease him though and not spend money. Let's all join together and pray for a better paying job for him so I'll be able to buy some full price clothes one day!
My daddy friended me on Facebook. My mom I was ok with. Him? Not so much. I haven't accepted it yet. I hope he gets bored after a week and doesn't log back on, otherwise he's going to get on my nerves and I'm gonna unfriend him. I hope he takes a cue from my mom, who won't friend anybody under 30 unless they request her. She doesn't want to make anybody uncomfortable. I wonder will my dad's feelings be hurt when TheCount doesn't accept his friend request?
Alright, let me ride on out of here before somebody tries to trip my horse and I come tumbling down.


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