My mom needs a 9-5

MamaTM: Umm, why do we like Tay.lor Swi.ft again?

Me: I don't know mommy

MamaTM: Is it because she's a pretty little white girl that our kids can look up to now since Mil.ey is tripping?

Me: I guess so

MamaTM: Ohhh noooo, it's because she can sit down and play the guitar! (few seconds later) Ohhhhh wow, now she's standing up and playing the guitar! I wanna see this video, where is the video?

Me: Ma, stay off the internet

MamaTM: Oh I see it, I'm with Kahn-Yay, this is dumb. Ok, let me see Beyonce. What? Oh no! She can't be moving her hips like that, oh no, this is not ok, oh! oh! How did she do that? How do bodies move like this? Oh no, how she get on stage and accept an award for gyrating her hips like this? And who is this Lady Ga.Ga? Does she worship the devil? Whyte people are crazy, I mean, we crazy too, but they're really crazy. This is some devil stuff.

 

Later that day....

MamaTM: So Jay told Beyonce she was...

Me: Ma, who you been talking to? I already know what you're about to say. For the last time, you only listen to celebrity gossip from me, now, who you been talking to?

MamaTM: Well Wen.dy Will.iams said that Jay thought B was being disloyal to the brand and he left without her.

Me: Ma, have you seen Wen.dy Will.iams? Does she look like a woman that exercises good judgement? Get off my phone, I'm at work. B flew overseas to do her concert after the awards show. Don't listen to nobody but me, ok?

MamaTM: Ok, Ok

 

Can somebody please bring my momma out of retirement? She has too much idle time on her hands. At home sewing bookbags for the children in Africa while watching The View and Wen.dy Williams. I wonder what she'll call me with today?