Sunday, October 26, 2008

First real weekend with my husband and another wedding

I finally got a real taste of married life this weekend. Friday night I was supposed to go to the rehearsal for my friend's wedding on Saturday. I called her 3 times and sent her a text, she never responded. So I didn't go. She never even told me the correct time. TheCount was like you are being trifling, I still didn't go. Saturday morning we were up pretty early so I decided we should finally get some groceries for the house. We went to W.alMa.rt first then the vitamin shoppe to get my shampoo and scalp treatments then to Trader Joe's but they didn't have what I needed. Finally we made our way over to Giant, I had my list of all the sales and everything. We had a lot of fun together. Since I was in a wedding that night and we were going to church in the morning we decided to spend the night at my parent's house. I was supposed to meet at the hotel at 5:30 to get ready for the wedding at 7:30, yeahhhhhh I wasn't there, lol. When I got to the hotel at 6, I saw the bride on the phone cussing somebody out. I was like oookkkkkkkk, and ran over to do damage control. It was the beginning of a very interesting wedding.

Her wedding was very very interesting. Let's start with the good. The reception was beautifully decorated and the food was aaammmmaazzziiiinngggg. For the appetizer each person had HALF A PINEAPPLE on their plate with fruit on the inside. It was beautiful and tasty! So tasty that I kept eating fruit I was allergic to :) I had crabcakes but I hear the chicken and beef meals were equally as good. From what people told me, the bartender was also amazing, people were raving about their drinks. Now on to the rest of this "event."

First of all the groom cursed the bride's 13 year old sister out and threatened to cancel the wedding all because she didn't let him take a shower in the room all the bridesmaids were getting dressed. Yes, he is as jerky as he sounds. Anyway, we get ready and walk next door to where the wedding will be. I help her get in her dress, which the lady made too tight. This chick is a size freaking 2, and the seamstress had to take that in, but she took in a bit too much, she couldn't even sit down. Halfway through the reception I had to sneak behind her chair and undo her corset snaps and zip it back up.

The music for the ceremony was verryyy interesting. The groomsmen walked in to some song talking bout "Hi, my name is Charlie, and I'm a virgo..." and some other foolishness. We walked into a song from Dreamgirls, the flower girl walked into "Beauty is her name," and I forget what the bride walked in to. Want to know what their first dance was? I bet you'll never guess what their first dance was. "Me and Mrs. Jones," yes the song about having an affair. Just because the title has your name in it does not mean you should ignore the song content.

The groomsmen were ummmmmm very very interesting. As we met up to leave out of the ceremony we had to link arms. This is what followed:
Groomsman: I missed you last night at rehearsal.
Me: yeahhh
GM: looking at my ring oh, I see I'm too late
Me: Oh yeah, about 2 weeks late
GM: Dammmnnnnn, well they say you supposed to have a husband and a boyfriend.
Me: Ummm they didn't say that to me
GM: Well can I be your husband for the night?
Me: nervous laughter

As we go trough the night talking, since I had to sit next to him.
Me: No thank you, I don't drink
GM: Did you have a bad experience with alcohol or something?
Me: No, I just don't drink
GM: Does your husband drink?
Me: No
GM: Would you have married him if he did
Me: No, I wouldn't have dated him if he did
GM: So I would have had a chance if I didn't drink?
Me: Well if you didn't drink, smoke, or curse. And if I wasn't married and....
GM: Dammmnnn, ok. Umm has anybody ever called you bourgeois?
Me: Hey, I've heard worse.

Y'all this dude tried everything in his power to get me to sleep with him. His ole funky jacked up teeth old behind! Ugghhhhh.

But the best part of the wedding was the fight. Yes the fight. Over the darn bouquet. Between my old boss and some lady. Y'all they would not let go. Spinning around snatching. They had to do a tie breaker. And the other lady actually pouted because she lost! I thought she was going to cry. My boss came over afterward and said, "I was going to beat her motherf***ing @ss if she didn't let that d**n thing down." Oh if you could have seen it. And people have the nerve to ask why I didn't do a bouquet and garter toss at my wedding!

There's more foolishess, but that's all for now. I've made our lunches for tomorrow and now I have to put my husband to sleep :) AND PSERENDIPITY WHERE ARE MY PICTURES?


pink said...

ummmm TM. You is gettin a bit beside yourself tombout "I have to put my husband to sleep!" Yes, I saw that. you aint slick lmao!!

And that new pic of the count is NOT the bizniz crazy!!

Her wedding sounded like a hot ghetto mess. Im sorry...but it did.

Therapeutic Musings said...

Hahaha, I knew you would pick up on that! That picture of TheCount is soooo funny. I was cracking up when I was explaining to him why I was taking the picture. He just shook his head and let me do it.

And girl, that wedding was beyond ghetto. I was trying to be polite, lol.

pserendipity said...

oooh, so it's like THAT huh? Send me your email address again. I have the photos right here.

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