Not feeling it right now

I have been majorly frustrated and grumpy this week. I'll have more tomorrow complete with picture explanations. This picture is the main source of my rage. We are having the pipes restored in our apartment complex. Their trucks and machines are taking up sooooo many parking spots....more to come tomorrow.

Life Lessons with TM

Yesterday I was a ball of wit and insight all day long. Even though TheCount put his hand over my mouth and asked me to refrain from speaking forever, I know he was just jealous that I knew everything about everything and he knows nothing. Here are some of the great things that I know about life that you should know too.

 

1. Sometimes you need to move away from your family.

       Remember Lisa from yesterday. What I didn't tell y'all is that I have 2 cousins named Lisa. What did they do to differentiate between the 2? Use a nickname. Y'all they called her Big Lisa. All.The.Time. Even if "smaller" Lisa wasn't around, even when smaller Lisa moved 6 hours away for 15 years. Granted, she was large, like 300 pounds, but still! "Big Lisa is in the hospital...oh you should get Big Lisa to sing...hey Big Lisa, can you pass me a plate..." it was like that's what they put on her birth certificate (knowing he parents, they might have). Also, her obituary was clearly written by somebody that wasn't too fond of her. They focused on her failures and sickness, not on the positive. I don't know what she did to deserve such treatment from family (perhaps she killed all her siblings, but that's the only thing that warrants such harshness) but I think if she would have moved away, life would have been a lot better for her.

 

2. Respond to nothing but your name.

     I went walking at lunch with my workout buddy yesterday. A car behind us honked, and she turned around. I immediately yelled at her to never do that again, "we don't respond to honks!" She laughed and replied, "sorry ma, I thought it might be somebody we knew." If they knew us, they should have used our names. A little while later on our walk somebody hollered some kind of cat call out the window, she looked. She caught herself and was like "sorry, force of habit." Psst'ing, honking, hey girl in the blue shirt, or hey baby'ing as you drive by are not an acceptable way to get a woman's attention. If they really are intrigued by you they will pull the car over, get out, and approach you with an "excuse me miss/ma'am." Trust me, it happens to me, and I aint even all that cute! Since she is very pretty, I know she could get that same respect if she stopped responding to ignorant fools not worth her time. I have since signed her up for a one on one session of Life Lessons with TM, email me if you would like to join the class, amazingly,

all slots are open.

 

3. Popeye's and Swine Flu are going to bring about the Apocalypse.

     Mass panic from swine flu and mass coonery and mockery from Popeye's are going to cause us all to be wiped out. Please protect yourself from both.

 

 

If you are wondering "who does TM think she is to be dropping knowledge on us like this?" Please stop wondering. I have already been called a classy lady once today, and that's my daily validation and all the proof I need to know that I am qualified to teach this class. I'm sure I will have more wonderful knowledge to bestow upon you at a later date, but I think this is all the world is ready for right now!

Family Says the Darndest Things

My weekend trip was alright. The trip down there was much more stressful than anything I encountered while there. My dad drove like a fool. My mom got so mad she was like "I'm not doing this anymore, I am not going down to see your family with you if you have to drive like a fool." TheCount kept waking up asking if everything was ok because my dad was swerving, cutting people off, he even ran a person off the road! He was doing wayyyyyyyyy to much. I put him on blast in front of his family because he takes stuff way too far and acts like it's ok when it's really not. My mom was like, I was scared I was going to die, never, ever, again.

 

Now it's time for some of the funniest quotes of the weekend

 

I was standing at the table fixing my plate, when my aunt came up to me

Auntie 1: "This hair looks good on you TM"

Me: ummm does she have me confused with somebody that used to be bald? I've always had some hair. "Ummm thanks"

Auntie 1: "Is it a weave?" as she begins beating my head trying to figure out if it's tracks or a wig

Me: jerking my head away "No!"

 

 

My mom and I were sitting up talking with my dad's brother  about my cousin, Lisa, that died last month.

Uncle: "Lisa's dad told her, before he died, 'Now Lisa, you are going to have a hard life, because of the way you treated me and your mother,' and you know what she did have a hard life, and that's why she's dead."

When my mom and I were walking away:

Me: "Ummm I think they watch to much Color Purple around here, 'everything you do gonna be cursed till you do right by me.' Who says that as their last words to their child!"

Ma: "HAHAHAHAHA oh wait, that's not funny"

Me: "HAHAHAHAA, yes it is!"

 

While we are talking about Lisa, it was her momma's party we went down there for. This is what her mom had to say about her:

Great Aunt Mae Mae: "Well, I don't know if she went to heaven or hell, don't really care. All I know is that she's gone and she aint coming back."

One day people will listen to me and stop letting old people talk!

 

My mom was talking to my uncle again:

Mom: "what's mae mae's real name?"

Uncle: "Izza Lee"

Mom: "So where did we get Mae Mae from."

Uncle: "We just call her that for short."

Me: "Short for what? That's nowhere in her name!"

Uncle: pausing to think "you're right, I don't know where that came from."

 

We were getting ready to leave on Saturday morning and I had on my car ride clothes: Cropped sweatpants and a fitted t-shirt:

Me: "Daddy, can we stop at the Waffle House on the way home."

Dad: "If y'all hurry up and get dressed we can."

Me: "I'm dressed! Let's go."

Aunt 2: "YOU DRESSED? THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE WEARING????"

Me: "ummmm, yeah...."

I walked back in the bedroom to find TheCount rolling across the bed laughing and my momma running in there to laugh too. How rude! But they don't even wear pants down there (it's a religious thing) so I guess my sweats were offending her to her core!

 

Thinking back on previous trips down there, this one will be chalked up as a success. I firmly believe that her prayers and her telling me to be calm via twitter kept us alive on the trip down there. I prayed, closed my eyes, and slept :)

 

Work was lovely today!

If this works, you should see a beautiful picture of the view from where I was working today. It's a college in Maryland. If this doesn't work, you'll see these sentences and think I'm an idiot.

It's beautiful outside, let's not do work!

Today is the day of our trip. I have my ipod, nintendo ds, installed a twitter app on my cell phone, and I only got 3 hours of sleep last night, so a 6 hour car ride should be no problem to sleep through and still be able to fall asleep when we get down there at 2 a.m.

 

I still need to go to the store today and try and find some flats/summer shoes that aren't heels. I loath flip flops, because I think feet need some protection. We'll see what I can come up with at Marshall's and Macy's today during my midday break.. The other day I restocked my summer supply of tshirts from Forever21, what can I say, I don't require much. I also got TheCount some shirts as a gift for our 6 year anniversary next week. We both like to wear Christian t-shirts and c28.com has some really cool ones. I'll try and get some pictures so you guys can see how cool we really are :)

 

We have declared it "let's not do any real work today" day. It's my turn in email hangman, and I need to peruse the innanets for some style ideas for shoes. Have a lovely weekend, make it a good one, and don't forget to pray for us!

Just my 'magination?

Why come nobody told me it was take your children to work day? Mannnn, I would have went and hung with my momma running errands today if I knew.

 

On to the topic at hand. Since nobody wanted to shout out on my behalf yesterday, I made my way to church and did it myself. Y'all I think I have myself a hater. Not the haters I make up in my head just to add some drama to my life. But a real, live, side eye giving hater! This is very exciting for me. There are a set of twins that go to my church. They're young (mid-20's at best) and soooo pretty (well one has a bad weave right now, but we'll overlook that). Last week I went into the sanctuary looking for TheCount after bible study since I had been in the nursery. I noticed the short haired twin looking at me. No biggie, that's what you do when you see somebody. As I walked and scanned the sanctuary, I noticed her staring at me still. I found TheCount and stood by him. Looking around to go pick up our stuff, I notice she is now looking at me with a stank face. It caught me off guard because she is standing with a group of people and they were all talking but she was completely focused on me. I chalked it up to her being engrossed in thought and kept it moving. Well last night at church we were seated (completely against my will) on the second row, right behind the pastors and next to somebody who thought she was having her own personal conversation with the pastor as he was preaching (ma'am, he didn't really want you to answer that question). It was also the same row with the twins. I'm getting adjusted and such and I look up and shorthairtwin is giving me a side eye like none other. I looked away like, why in the world does she keep making faces at me? I know it's not because of my good looks (although my eyebrows are killer right now, lol) so it must be TheCount. Now we all now and agree that TheCount is a fine piece of man meat dipped in chocolate so I'm interpreting her looks to mean "why the heck is that fine piece of chexual chocolate with that plain chick with the killer brows?" During offering I looked at TheCount:

Me: Baby, I think I have myself a hater! i was wayyyy to excited about this

TheCount: What, who?

Me: She keeps giving me an evil look

TheCount: Who twin?

Me: Yeah!

TheCount: Girl, aint nobody hating on you, she probably doesn't even realize she's doing it

 

Yet you correctly guessed the offender which  means you saw it too.He probably just doesn't want me to think she's hating because when I think somebody doesn't like me, I take it way to far and constantly refer to them as my arch nemesis and analyze their every move as an attack against me. Most of the time, folks aren't even paying me any mind, lol. I've got my eye on her though. This will be so exciting for me if I really do have a hater :) Oh and of course I made sure to keep holding TheCounts hand last night, and I made him act like he loved me and generally try to carry myself 'like I thought I was cute' shoot, if she is hating, I gotta give her something to hate on! If she's not, then I'll convince my self that she is until I can finally get myself a real hater.

 

 

Hey Jesus, did you hear me last night in church? Just a reminder, a pink laptop, loans paid off, and lasik eye surgery. Thanks! You know I'm going to keep asking until I get it right? Of course you do!

Shout out to Jesus!

If you happen to make it to Bible study tonight (it's supposed to storm here, and I may just have to catch it live on the innanets), can you give a little shout out to God on TheCount and my behalf? I've been talking to Him, but I think this week we need some extra voices in His ear. TheCount was in a funky mood Monday and Tuesday, I think it started Sunday night, but I was acting a fool over a laptop so I didn't really notice. Yesterday he finally snapped out of if after my great motivational speech:

 

Me: Now look. There are only 2 people in this house. That means extended bouts of sadness are not acceptable. You get half a day then you get over it. Growing up if my sister was acting funky, I hung with my mom. If mom was acting funky, I hung with my sister. If dad was acting funky, we all banded together to make fun of him. I don't have anybody here but you, so get over it, I'm tired of talking to myself.

TheCount: I'm trying.

Me: Don't try, be. Be happy

 

See, I'm such a loving wife! I heard rumors I'm up for wife of the year :)

 

Anyway, the real reason we need some extra shout outs to heaven is for our weekend. We are going to NC for my great aunties b-day. We are riding with my parents. Those two sentences may not seem like a lot to you, but goodness gracious I don't know why I agreed to this (yes I do, my mom pointed out I could use this to get out of every other family thing for the year). First off, I don't care for my dad's side of the family. They are rude and think whatever they think they should say including remarks about my skin, butt, and hips. I can't tell you how many times my momma found me hidden somewhere crying because one of them said something unnecessary. I should be fine this time though, because now I'm all cute and stuff and I know I'm all cute and stuff. I have a feeling some of them will show off for TheCount though. I'm trying to remember what happened last time we went down there. One of my cousins said something and TheCount was like, what the heck is wrong with your family, lol. Oh well, I'm sure I'll have an entertaining post on Monday.

 

The real issue is the car ride. Six hours in the car with my parents = not fun. No, let me rephrase that. Six hours in the car with my daddy = hell. He normally doesn't show out with TheCount is around so if I have my ipod and a book I should be cool...I pray. My daddy is 6' 4" and TheCount is 6' 1"so that already means a cramped car and my dad is SELFISH with space, and he eats stinky foods in the car. Party mix/pork rinds/Doritos are not car trip foods. I'm going to throw them out the window if he does it this time.  My dad listens to redneck radio and gets soooooo country when we head down to be with his family. He also either drives really crazy or reallllyyyyyyyyy slow. One time he was driving my ex, my best friend, and me down to look at a college and he chose realllyyyyyy crazy. When we got out, my ex was like "yoooo was dad trying to kill us? I know he didn't want us to go here together but dag."

 

Moral of the story is, if you want TheCount and I to stay married, and you want my daddy to live past the weekend, I suggest you start shouting out to God for us. Thanks!

 

Ohhh and while you've got God's attention, you can also tell him I would like a pink laptop, my school loans paid off, and lasik surgery. You can leave your requests in the comments, I'll go ahead and give you a shout out too.

Hey You!

On Sunday we went to another cookout. It went much better :) These friends just bought a house a few months ago too, but it's not ready for company yet so they had the party at his parents house. Good times man. Clean house, good food is that too much to ask?

 

I think it's hilarious when people can't remember my name. Since I got married, I no longer have to put up with being called Jennifer/Stephanie/Jasmine none of which are my name but those are the three I get called the most. It used to happen a lot. Now, I'm MrsCount. What a lovely cover up cuz everybody knows him, he used to whisper my name to people so they could act like they remembered. Yeahhh I'm standing here too fool and I hear you. The other night in church this dude was like, you're MrsCount for the first year, then we'll change it to your name. I started laughing and asked if it was because it would take him that long to remember my name. He started laughing and was like, girl I know your name, don't play. Yet, he didn't say it. Like 5 minutes later I hear somebody whisper "TM" I look up and he's just cheesing. I was like did you just now remember my name? HAHAHAHA He said he had been praying for 5 minutes that the Lord would reveal to him my name. Perhaps I should just invest in a name tag.

 

How were those 2 paragraphs related? Well at the cookout somebody referred to me as wife. Now that's taking it too far, lol. It went like this "heyyyy Count, hey wife." I was like do people really not know how to play it off better than that? A simple "heeyyyyy Count," then "how are you," while hugging me would have been fine. Or just say no names at all. There are so many people that I've never used their name because I don't know what to call them. Anyway, this weekend we are going to NC for my great aunt's birthday.I don't know a lot of my family's names because I don't even think I'm really related to these folks. Problem is, they are probably going to want me to introduce them to TheCount. We are going to have to work out a little routine so I don't have to use names.

 

What do you do when you can't remember a persons name or never knew it and they knew yours...especially family?

 

 

 

 

TM's wishlist: Laptop, Loans paid off and Lasik, just in case anybody was wondering and had some extra dough lying around. Random huh?

Priorities

When TheCount and I first moved into our apartment, we had nothing but a mattress and a microwave. Everything else was given to us by our parents and extended family. Dishes? Thanks to a lovely auntie on his side that sent our wedding gift 3 months early. Bed frame/television/silverware? His momma. Love seat? My cousin. Our tables and dining room set? A furniture rental place that sold their old furniture (good quality, low prices, we still be pressed to go in there). I say that to say, I know what it's like to start out with not too much. At one point the combined total of our bank accounts was less that $10. For somebody that always made a point to keep at least 3 paychecks in her checking account, that was terrifying for me. We weren't trying to do to much, just keep our apartment, eat some basic food, and have toilet tissue. I can thankfully say we are doing much, much better, and we no longer have to turn people away when they want to come visit, lol. Our friends were all understanding though when we used to tell them we weren't ready for company. One dude, was like, shoot, we don't need chairs, we can sit on the floor and we'll bring the pizza! It was a lovely thing :)

 

Ok, now to the point of the post...priorities. What is important to you, impressing folks, or making sure your family is comfortable? I went to a housewarming cookout of an old coworker over the weekend. If you've been reading for a while, this is the girl that got married 2 weeks after me and I was in her wedding (please refer to October '08 posts, most notably 10/26/08 [i think] when I did a recap of her interesting wedding. I was happy that they got a house, but to be honest, I had low expectations. The house was nice. Lots of windows, hardwood floors and such. They've been there for a few months now, and they lived together for 7 years (or 13, I can't remember which so I chose the lower number) prior to buying their house. They also have 2 kids, a 4 year old girl and 2 year old boy. Both kids are special. I'm not sure what's wrong exactly, but I know they have seizures, and the girl doesn't speak clearly. They both have serious skin issues with eczema and scabs and odor. After spending a few hours at their house this weekend, I'm convinced that some of these issues are because their parents are trifling as all get out. I'm sorry, but I texted my sister from the cookout to tell her where I was and she said it best, "why are you there, I thought we decided after that wedding we were cutting her out of our lives." I soooo should have done that. Let me just go ahead and provide a list of things since recapping the whole time would probably make me shoot myself.

 

1. The house was dirty. I'm not talking cookout clutter from triflin guests. I'm talking all types of dirt/food/dust on the floor. Old decorations (popped balloons and such) still up on the walls from a previous get together. A dirty fridge and kitchen in general. The kids feet were BLACK from walking on the house floors. And you expect me to eat here and you couldn't swiffer the dang floor? And I saw a swiffer in the corner too!

 

2. They had no curtains and the blinds were ripped up. Dirty sheets were hanging in front of the windows.

 

3. The kids don't have beds. They sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor...the dirty floor. Remember, these folks have been living together for 7 years. At least get your kids a dang mattress.

 

4. The kids don't have appropriate clothes. The little boys onesie was brown. It used to be white. I went to help her daughter put on some shoes so she could go outside. I had the choice between winter boots or white dress shoes. Those were her only shoes.

 

5. I was on the phone with another of our friends that was supposed to come but had enough sense not to and she was like, did you get her a gift? I said yeah, but I didn't give it to her yet. My friend said that when she called her to invite her to the cookout she said, "oh, and make sure you bring a gift. It's our housewarming." Well I guess that took the guesswork out didn't it? Tacky self.

 

6. The final straw that made me leave was her interaction with her kids. TheCount and I had been playing with her daughter (y'all TheCount is mean. He made me take her in the kitchen and wipe her down before she sat on his lap. Her nose was runny, face and hands covered in food, and she kept trying to kiss him. He wasn't having it, it was kinda nasty.) when she came back from getting crabs. Her daughter said she hurt her finger. This chick goes in the kitchen and gets a clorox disinfecting wipe and starts wiping her daughter with it. For the love of God it says keep out of reach of children and NOT INTENDED FOR PERSONAL HYGIENE. The little girl is screaming because she has some sort of blister on her hand and her hands and arms are covered in dry skin and scabs. Y'all I was so mad at these parents I didn't know what to do except say we had to go.

 

Me: "well we gotta go, TheCount is going to play basketball tonight.

Her: "what does thats got to do wit chu?"

Me: "well, he's my husband, and my ride."

Her: "so, tell him to come back and pick you up."

Me: do you want a slap? It's 7:30 I am not staying until your husbands ghetto drunk friends that tried to hit on me at the wedding show up "well girl, you know we live far." mannn that line gets us out of soooooo much stuff!

 

 

Now, before y'all try and say, "Dag TM why you hating, they struggling, times is hard." Let me tell you about these folks. Remember their wedding? It was a $30,000 wedding...and they are on welfare. This cookout? They had beef and pork ribs, burgers, hot dogs, LOBSTER TAILS, crabs, chicken, shish kabobs, green beans, potato salad, baked beans, macaroni and cheese, cakes, brownies and more. They also had sooooooooooo much liquor that it took up more space than the food. Where the heck are your priorities? Your children sleep on a dirty floor. Are you kidding me? The dude even had the nerve to remind us that they had an open bar at the wedding for 5 hours. Do you want a cookie? We don't drink fool, we aint impressed. When TheCount went out to fix our plate he was like "here have some lobster, you know how we roll." TheCount declined, but he put it on his plate anyway talking 'bout "don't worry man,we got plenty." I'm not even going to tell y'all about their daggon cheesecake factory obsession. He works there and at the wedding he was like for y'alls favors we have cheesecake factory cheesecake. People went looking for it. You know what we found? Coupons to get a free slice of cheescake...with a $25 purchase. Why did they do that mess again? You know what's impressive to me? A clean house for your clean kids that you proudly show your guests a  housewarming so we can celebrate your success and not frown upon you choices.

 

It's best that I don't attend any more of their functions, cuz I don't seem to be able to be in her presence and not pass judgement. Daggon clorox wipe on your baby's raw skin...

 

Feel free to tell me I'm a horribly mean judgemental person.

It's time for the weekend!

It feels so good to be back at my desk! My office has big bright windows, a comfy chair, and a computer that acts right! I haven't been here all week and I was so excited to be back, I was on time for work! I haven't seen my office mate in 2 weeks, I even miss her :)

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On my way out of the house this morning I meant to take one final picture to complete picture week, but I forgot. We had to rearrange the living room to better suit my exercise since my balance isn't the greatest. I almost killed myself on the coffee table so many times. We now have a nice open floor plan so that 2 people can exercise at the same time without falling into the patio door/table/tv stand.

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My mom came up last night so I could do her hair. She was doing some of the Cardioke with me but that lame-o was only half doing it. She didn't even join in on the other 3 workouts I did. All yesterday she was trying to have interventions with my sister and me. We were both like, ma, shut up and get off our phones! She was trying to talk to my sister about se.xti/ng and me about my diet and exercise. She asked what I had for lunch and I told her grapes. She got all worried and was like, are you starving yourself? Ma please. I am in a dirty building surrounded by dirty buildings, I have no desire to eat from any of these places. When I was working out last night she kept on asking "you're doing another one?" Mommy please, I'm finally off those devil pills and I am going to be fabulous this summer :)

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I have a cookout to go to tomorrow. I think TheCount just may go with me, which is rare cuz he isn't a big fan of the person having it. But he knows that a lot of single, loser black men will be there. Let's face it, I'm cute and when dudes get drunk (which they will) they try to push up on anybody. I don't really want to go because I refuse to eat anything that they make. I used to work with her and I was in her wedding, I've seen her idea of hygiene. I don't approve. I also have no desire to see the groomsmen that tried to get at me at the wedding even though I told them I JUST got married (exactly 2 weeks earlier). I am excited that they got a new house though! I wonder though, am I supposed to bring a gift? No seriously, they just got a house, they are having their first cookout, not necessarily a housewarming though, do I need to bring a gift? I may get a gift card just in case.

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Dang it, I have another event Sunday too. Another cookout, for a birthday. They made it quite clear a gift was expected, lol. Since both of these couples are newly married in new homes perhaps I'll go with a lovely gift card to help get some fun stuff for the house. 

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I am wearing some india.arie out right now. Have you ever realized her greatness? I love people that sing about something of substance. You can tell work went into each of her albums. I love it! I'm digging neo-soul right now. Anybody have any good neo-soul artists to recommend? 

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I only cooked one day this week. How dreadful. It wasn't even all that great. I made fettuccine alfredo with broccoli, but the recipe I used said use butter and the main component of the sauce. I made it before and I used marscapone(sp?) cheese, I liked that one much better. I'll be back on point next week though.

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Speaking of food, I need to hop on over to the food network website because I've only received 1 magazine since February. I haven't seen any new ones in the store either. If y'all gave up on the magazine, give me my darn money back. Off to research...

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One more thing, are any of y'all on twitter? If y'all are on there, find me, I'm MrsCount (well that was simple, lol).

This story is much better than pictures

Ok, I don't have any pictures ready for today because I have been so freaking busy. I do have an interesting story though.

 

Last night at church we had a guest speaker who comes frequently to talk about health. Unfortunately, I missed service because I walked past the nursery and realized there was only 1 worker and a line of parents waiting to drop off babies. I ended up staying in there because the normal workers didn't show up. When I left out when church was over I saw TheCount excitedly talking with people. There are 2 problems with that. 1. TheCount does not excite easily. If he's excited, that means something big went down, and it's normally bad. 2. TheCount does not normally talk to these folks anyway aside from a hi and bye.

 

I walk over and ask what's going on. Nobody stops talking to inform me. TheCount asks where I went (I did just disappear, lol) and if I wanted to know what happened I should have stayed. I give him the look of death, but got distracted by somebody running up to 2 of the wh.ite girls at our church and saying "thank y'all so much for still being here. We love you and appreciate you." I was looking like, what the heck is going on in here? The whi.te girls were like "shoot this is our church. No guest is gonna run us out of here."

 

Apparently, Di.ck Gre.gory was at our church to give his testimony on how changing his eating habits affected his life. It didn't go as planned. He went off on a major tirade against whi.te people. He was talking about how wh.ite people are the de.vil and how we need to stop giving them our money and how bla,ck people have bad habits and it's all the whi.te man's fault. He blamed the fact that he used to smoke on wh.ite people (he saw them do it so it must be ok) and he went on to say all sorts of evil things. Dude! Not cool in any way. TheCount was like everybody's eyes got big, people were sweating and EVERYBODY was staring at our pastor, cuz he does not play stuff like that. TheCount said he was sitting on the edge of his chair hoping our pastor would not go up there and drag di.ck gre.gory down and throw him out. The person that invited him wrote a note telling him to stop, but he wouldn't. The person inviting him also stood up to go up and stop him, but I guess he wimped out at the thought of offending an icon and sat back down.  After a few minutes of seeing the situation was going from bad to worse, our pastor jumped up there and was like, "Cut it out, we love you, but we don't believe that kind of stuff at this church. We walk in love, we love everybody. The whi.te man is not our enemy, the devil is our enemy. This is my pulpit, I'm responsible for what gets said up here and that is not acceptable speech in my church. Jesus didn't preach hate, we don't preach hate." I don't know what else was said, because I wasn't there, but that's the part TheCount told me. Seriously, how could he think that tirade would be tolerated? And why do people keep giving old people microphones!!??? They need to do print interviews so it can be edited, old people are crazy, they think they can say everything they think. Everybody seemed pleased with the way our pastor handled the situation (y'all our pastor is gangsta, at TheCount's brother's funeral CousinCount got up and was like, "Maybe God called him home cuz he needed an electrician in heaven," and some other whack stuff. His whole family {who is made up of many pastors by the way} was looking at him like, dude that aint nowhere in the Bible, if you don't shut up. When our pastor got up to preach the message he was like, ummmm God does not need any help running heaven. It has streets of gold, do you really think he needs somebody to help with electricity? It was sooooooo funny, and even funnier because CousinCount didn't even realized the pastor was talking about him).

 

 Anyway, I said all that to say, I'm glad I go to a church where the pastor has a backbone. I don't care who you are or where you are, you cannot say things that are against what we believe and think that it won't get corrected. Oh if I could have been a fly on the wall when they went into the back room with the pastor.

 

{Unrelated note, SimplyB, did you get a chance to try the ondemand workouts? I did it again last night and I'm so sore, TheCount tried to do it with me but sat down and fell asleep after 15 minutes, lol)

This week in pictures...Work it out

I just finished my daily workout. I did Cardioke with Billy Blanks Jr. let me just tell you I thought I was going to die! TheCount was watching and encouraging me and laughing at my general lack of balance. After Cardioke I did a 10 minute butt workout followed by a 10 minute ab/back workout. All of the workouts are available on Comcast On Demand for free :) I will be doing these nightly! I was sweaty by the time I finished, but I had so much fun. I'm going to hop in the shower in a few minutes cuz I just might stink, but I'm so proud of myself. A lovely picture of myself prompted my increased work out schedule. Wanna see it, here it go:


Ok, who told me to tie my book bag right above my gut? This is such an unflattering body shot of me. But hey, it's inspiration. I can promise you that it won't look like this come summer time! Oh and that's MommaTm, she's where I got my big forehead from, but I'm much better at covering mine :)



Until I get this belly under control, all pictures will be like this, lol. I carry huge purses and they will be my camouflage. BTW, my momma is in her camouflage pose, she always jumps in the back and puts her hand to her face, cover the body and the chins (shoot, fake it till you make it). That face TheCount is making is his "what are you doing" face. I see this about 20 times a day. "Why are you screaming/singing/jumping on the couch/flailing your head about like a rockstar/pinching my butt/breakdancing/biting my eye?" All of which I did tonight and had to look at that face. (But aint he cute though!)


Reason 432 I need lasik: I really do look 12 with my glasses on. Gosh darn it, the hater was right.

This week in pictures...Silly Times

Me: Baby, would you still love me if I looked funny?
TheCount: Ewwwwwww



"Look, I'm growing out of you." Yeah, I don't know what we were thinking either.



Soooooo, I'm not good at this self portrait thing.


I probably should have had some pictures lined up before I declared it picture week. Let me think about this some more...

This week in pictures...paparazzi

TheCount could not understand the concept of paying to go into a park. He was downright irate about it...and it wasn't even his money. He was looking for gold paved paths.

On Saturday TheCount and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary :) I had all sorts of plans to celebrate, but our niece wanted to come up and spend the weekend with us. Which means my chocolate covered strawberries and shrimp ring didn't get utilized to their full potential. To celebrate, here are some lovely pictures of us hiking a few weeks ago. My daddy is like paparazzi, he pops up out of nowhere with his super expensive fancy camera that I try to duck and dodge.
So, a certain hater *coughTheCountcough* informed me that I looked like a twelve year old. I was so pressed to carry my book bag incase some trail pirates tried to kidnap me. I had an orange, water, a jacket, and a change of clothes. It was sooooo not that serious!


I think I'll try and post more pictures this week (as soon as TheCount stops staring over my shoulder protesting, lol).

You talkin' to me?

I just accidentally sent my boss an email intended for my work out buddy. She called me while on a conference call and I was trying to respond since I couldn't pick up the phone. SO embarrassed! Thankfully my boss has a great sense of humor and sent back LOL. Here's the email:

 

Yes ma'am…How can the great one assist you today? I'm on a call so the great one cannot speak.

 

On behalf of MyCompany,

Therapeutic Musings, The Great One

 

Whenever I answer my phone and I know the caller, I always say, this is The Great One. Normally my mom or TheCount will be like, "ohhh, I was trying to reach TM. Do you know her?" Haters!

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At Church on Sunday our pastor said, in no uncertain terms, that people need to stop booty tootin' on Facebook and then jumping on stage to lead praise and worship. Well he didn't really say booty tooting, but it was similar. His point was live for God, or don't. Hot or cold. At least be embarrassed when you are acting a fool, don't be all cocky with it like you aren't wrong. People are friends with our pastor on Myspace and still put up stuff about smoking (illegal things) and drinking. Unfriend him if that's what you want to represent!  And please unjoin our church group if all your pictures are of you in your bra and panties, Jesus aint smiling at you about that foolishness. People are bold in their trifling ways.

 

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Today I was talking to 2 coworkers in an office. I saw him eating apples and I smelled tuna. I assumed he was eating apples and tuna. The other coworker asked what the fishy smell was. It turns out somebody else was eating fish for breakfast. I was like,

Me: "Oh, I thought you were eating apples and tuna"

Dude: "WHAT? Who eats apples and tuna?"

Me: "My bad, I thought it was a white people thing."

Lady: "No, mayo is a white people thing, apples and tuna is just gross."

 

I was falling out laughing this morning!

 

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Yesterday TheCount and I were in the hall talking. I took my sweater and started hitting him with it. I saw he had hs coat in his hand and thought he was going to hit me back so I start side-running away.

Him: "What are you, a rat? Why are you scampering.? Run like a human."

Me: "Naawwww man, you can't turn your back on the enemy! That's what Jua.nita By.num taught me."

Him: "No, she should have taught you not to turn your back on God."

 

Not that I find her beat down funny, but I sure found that funny. I used to tell TheCount all the time that her and her hubby weren't right, I could just feel it. He's going through all sorts of drama right now and she has flipped off the deep end (google pictures of her last bday).

 

****************

Last night, I sure hope God wasn't talking to me at church. So I  said yesterday I got off the pill. I have been scared because I'm not really trying to have kids yet and the pill seemed the best way to prevent it. So I've been praying about it. I'll give y'all one guess what Bible Study was about. Children are a blessing from the Lord. Uhhh, God, you talking to me? The couple speaking was awesome! It was one of the best messages on family I have heard in a while. She is living my dream! They have 7 kids and now she runs a christian daycare that services people that can't afford daycare. That is my ultimate goal in life :) They spoke on everything I have been feeling lately and I really enjoyed it. I have to get that CD on Sunday so I can pass it around since my circle of friends are now getting married and having babies. That word was on point, but I sure hope God was giving me that knowledge for the distant future and not now :)

Little bit of everything

Laughing808 and Kisz4tj, I really am going to send you the information, as soon as I remember to bring it from home. It would probably help if I woke up on time and got to work on time. In the meantime, check out the website.

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Time for some TMI. I am no longer taking birth control. NOOOOO we're not trying to have no darn kiddies, but I can't deal with the side effects anymore. You can't convince me that birth control isn't the devil, I know that it is. I'm going to go 2 months without to see if I can get back to normal and then go talk to my doctor again. I need to see if my theories are true before I go mouthing off, lol.

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I panicked on Sunday when I realized Easter was next week and I had no outfit. Then my sisnlaw informed me I was working in the nursery so  no good clothes! It's going to be packed :) The other workers will probably be all mad about all the screaming babies and I'll be in heaven, lol. Babies are the best!

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One of my friends called me yesterday to tell me she's engaged! I'm so happy for her, they've been together for like 7 years and have 2 kids and they live together. In all that time, I don't think I've ever hung with her and the dude though. The only time I remember being around him was at the hospital for their first child. I have no idea what he's like. Maybe I'll go busting up in there house one weekend, or invite them all over for dinner, she lives right around the corner from me and has never been over. We are trifling friends, lol.

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You know what I like about TheCount? He can tell when I'm in a mood and he knows what he needs to do. I haven't done ANY housework this week, which is really unlike me and rather than make snide comments, I think he realized that I just can't do anything right now aside from sit down wrapped up in blankets. This morning he was washing dishes which is good because I was refusing to do them (secretly). I was mad that he had 3 cereal bowls in the sink. Take it out and rinse it and use it again. Don't keep grabbing new dishes man! Tomorrow, I'll be back in action. I have a spot to clean on the floor and I'm going to finally put my clothes away. Shoot, I might even throw in a load of laundry!

*********************

Ohhhhh, I think I have some people that have the potential to be friends :) They are corny like me and they don't have the drama! I love it. On Sunday as TheCount talked to his man friends after church, they came running over to me to talk! This is a monumental occasion.

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My sister has been having nightmares for the past 3 weeks. Why? She's scared about the sorority thing. About 300 girls applied and only 57 are going to get picked. She's had some funny dreams man!

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This dude was trying to tell me how much I looked like his niece. He kept going on and on about how we might be twins (we are the same age) and stuff and then he hit me with, "she even has pimples just like you do!" I'm so glad I realize my cuteness, cuz I just laughed and laughed and was like, did he really just say that? Dude, that's something you can think, but you don't say! Too bad I have a feeling this chick is not going to be as cute as I think I am. They never are. People tell me how much I look like somebody and then it's some homely, stick thin chick with damaged hair, glasses, and acne. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. Shoot, that was the 15 year old me. Now I'm the plain, but fly chick, with healthy flowing hair, contacts, and bright skin that's clearing up, lol. I cannot wait to see this girl. I pray it's not as disastrous as the last time I met one of my "twins!"

Seminary or Starbucks

My best friend from high school called me last night. Some people from our high school are trying to get together and plan a reunion. She doesn't want to help plan it, but couldn't think fast enough to get out of the meeting on Thursday. TheCount was on the phone with the dude right when she called me so I was like, oh well, TheCount just got us out of it! I haven't talked to my friend since 2 days before my wedding. Why? She was supposed to do my makeup, it looked horrible at our rehersal dinner trial run and she wanted to charge me way too  much. We told her never mind, my cousin was going to do it because we didn't have any more money. She never showed up to the wedding. Last night we did our catching up conversation. I asked how her husband was doing...

Background: December 2007, I was graduating from college so I called to invite her over for my graduation/Christmas celebration. She was like sure, and told me she was dating a new guy. It shocked me because I thought she was still dating her college boyfriend (of about 3 or 4 years). She was like, no. I asked why. She told me while she was working at Mac this dude that worked at the Starbucks came up to her and they began talking (this was November). She told him that she had a boyfriend but that they could be friends. Within 2 weeks of meeting, he convinced her that her boyfriend wasn't serious about marrying her (even though he said they would as soon as he got out of seminary school) and that she should be with him instead. Ok, whatever floats your boat. He was in his 30's with a 7 year old daughter, she was 22. Anyway, I talked to him on the phone, he sounded a bit to effeminate for my liking, but considering she had dated 2 dudes that turned out to be gay before, I guess she likes her dudes a bit softer. Anyway, they never showed up for my graduation celebration, but it was cool. In February 2008 (3 months after meeting dude) I see on Facebook that she is married. So I call her and I'm like, excuse me, what's going on? She tells me that on Valentine's day they decided to sneak off and get married. I find out that I'm not the only one mad at her,  her parents were livid. They were crying and stuff because it's just not wise to meet and marry somebody in 3 months. You have to date them long enough to let the crazy come out so you can make sure you can tolerate it! Come on, I hid my crazy from TheCount for over a year! Ever the supportive friend, I was like, ok, what's done is done, I wish y'all the best. The last time I talked to her, October 2008, they were doing well. When I talked to her last night, I find out that they are divorcing. Why? Cuz he's crazy! He is controlling (duhhh, he convinced you to leave your long term boyfriend after knowing him for 2 weeks) and won't let her do what she wants (duhhh, you were going to move to Ohio, until you met him and he said don't). And you silly behind snuck off and married him! If you have to sneak, you shouldn't be doing it. She makes me so mad, lol. So she's back at home with her parent's now. I'm going to have to make a point to talk to her more often now because she is too smart to act this dumb.

Jammie Jam wrap up

You sorry suckas didn't even join the prayer circle! Mostly lurker Jazzy came out and supported me, thanks! Well I had a great time! I got up to the resort and had to buy some pajama's and pick up dinner for my overnight roomies. When I got to the hotel to change, my niece was in the middle of the room butt nekkid. I brought in some pizza for us so I told her to put some clothes on:
Me: Little girl, put some clothes on
Niece: But you know me
Me: Yeah, and I know you're nekkid. We don't eat nekkid. It's not acceptable.
Niece: But you're my aunt.
Me: And you're nekkid, go cover your butt!

My sisnlaw chased her down and put some panties on her so I could eat in peace.

I'm not going to lie, when I got to the place I did sit in the back corner because I didn't know anybody and my sisnlaw was in the back getting ready for the fashion show. It was cool though, the speaker was really good! She got up there she was talking about how somebody commented on how long her hair had gotten. She looked at them and said, "girl, it's unbeWEAVEable what God can do!" Y'all I was falling out laughing especially because she was a white woman in a room full of black women! She was up there dancing while singing "Brick House," it was great! That night we had smoothies and popcorn set up for midnight snacks and then I found a friend and went to hang out. At about 1:30am my sisnlaw texted me to make sure I was ok, and told me they were going to bed (good!). I made all sorts of new friends with the young ladies at my church which was great. We played games, had a dance off (I did NOT participate) and they did the limbo. It was some good clean fun! It was funny because we were coming up with nicknames for ourselves and one girl was like, "I'm forest fire. Because I burn...but not like an STD." Everybody was just staring at her before we cracked up (I'm guessing she meant she's on fire for Jesus, lol).

Anyway, I left their BEAUTIFUL hotel with the waterfront room to drive down the street to the hotel my sisnlaw, niece, and random stranger were staying to go to bed. I got in about 3 and my 6 year old niece is staring at the tv in a trance. She doesn't get to watch tv during the week so when she can watch it, she gets it in! This little chick didn't go to sleep until 6am! I was awakened at 8am with my sisnlaw talking nonstop! Y'all why TheCount aint tell her about me? She was getting on my nerves with story after story. Then my niece wakes up and starts hugging and kissing me. God bless her sweet little heart, but I pushed her and told her to get out of my face. I stayed in bed for an hour as an act of rebellion since nobody would be quiet. I didn't completely act out though, even when my niece brushed her teeth for 20 minutes. She doesn't even have any teeth! All of my threats to knock out her remaining teeth if she didn't get out of the bathroom were ignored. Why don't people take me seriously?

I was a taste bit cranky all day since my morning started off rocky ( I did have a really good breakfast at Denny's but I got so mad at my sisnlaw for being SOOOO greedy then complaining about her gut, that I couldn't fully enjoy my meal), so I scheduled in some me time. Everybody planned to stop at the outlets, but I dipped out so I could shop alone. I ended up with a bright yellow nine west bag (my momnlaw found me in that store and helped me pick it out), 2 polos, and a cute BCBG sweater. I successfully avoided having a partner for the majority of my trip, then I made my way home. I walked in to find a spotless empty house! I was walking through here cheesing, then I passed out on the couch. When TheCount came home he had flowers and a new vacuum for me :) Oh my, it was wonderful!

Too bad I snapped on TheCount Sunday morning, lol. I literally screamed at him as he was telling me to get up for church. I really had to apologize cuz it got ugly in there.
Anyway, our church is doing a series on marriage, it's for married and single folks so I'm compiling a lot of the information so I can give you guys some. It's been really, really good.

Let me stop blabbing. TheCount just hit me in the eye with a grape and I need to go attack him.

Join hands, bow your heads, and close your eyes

We need to all join hands in a prayer circle today. After work today I have to hop in my car on this rainy gloomy day and drive 2 hours to my church's Women's Ministry Pajama Jam. I want to go, but I would much rather jam 30 minutes away. I also have to share a room with my sister in law. I love her dearly but she talks to darn much. I also haven't purchased any pajamas that I would be willing to let my church see me in. PJD suggested that I wear my lovely pink one-piece jammies, but I really don't have the nerve. I'm bold as long as I have a sidekick, but neither my mom nor my sister will be there so I must remain invisible, lol. I figure I have to pass a walmart or target in a 2 hour ride...right? I wore a really cute outfit just in case I don't have time to get jammies, people will be so dazzled by my style and this EXCELLENT hair week I've been having to notice that I'm not dressed for bed. Anyway, pray I don't fake car trouble just so I can stay home or that I don't put a pillow over my SIL's face to shut her up. Thanks, much appreciated.

 

Thanks for all the answers yesterday, I was looking at my screen like really? Insurance gets that expensive? Well I guess when you have actual things to insure aside from a busted laptop, a good laptop, a discount big screen tv, and an ipod (seriously those are the only valuable things in our house and it doesn't even top $2000) then insurance would cost more. On to the website. The spending plan was really helpful to provide a general guideline. There are also other helpful tools on the site that you can use as your needs dictate. Under the financial & career tools tab there are many free worksheets and such. In high school I used the teen version of their materials and I taught ( the only gainfully employed teen that actually participated in church = default teacher, lol) a Bible study series on managing money. It was really helpful, I learned he material well since I had to teach all summer, it's why I'm so rich and my friends are so broke. Years ago my parents used this website to get out of debt, it's why they are so rich and their friends are so broke. [Ugghhh guys, you know I'm hyping it up right, please don't think I'm actually implying that we are taking money baths over here. I'm really just saying, we learned the skills to effectively manage the income we have to meet all our needs/wants okkkkk, no snarky comments please]

 

Hmmm that makes me wonder, is it rude, in this economy, to say that you haven't really been affected by the recession? I mean, don't go up to a friend that is getting thrown out and talk about something great you just bought, just in general. In a lot of discussions recently people talk about things they have given up because of the economy and I just sit there because we haven't done anything differently. Maybe it's because we just got married when all of the craziness started so we began our bill paying lives with the recession in mind. Don't get me wrong, jobs are something we often pray about, especially since TheCount gets an email almost every week of somebody getting let go from his company, but we do just that, pray and keep it moving. I feel like God has really kept us during this time because, honestly, when I did our budgeting before we got married, I had no idea how we were going to make it. Now, it's not even an issue and I feel bad because it is an issue for so many people. I think I'll just keep my little mouth shut and keep living.

 

Back to my weekend, don't forget that prayer circle! I finally bullied my ONLY female friend from church into going, so hopefully I'll have somebody to talk to this weekend and not end up in the corner alone (did I ever mention I'm very socially awkward?) like I so often do without a sidekick. Prayer circle...commence!

Privacy Invasion

I need to invade your privacy once again. I'm doing budget things and I want to make sure we're on track and I'm not living in some delusion that I'm saving money, when y'all are being more frugal than me. I must be the cheapest! I'm using this very good Christian based money management website and when you enter in 3 basics, they break down how much you should spend in each category. I will be happy to share the website with you guys, after you give me the information I want! Here we go:

 

1. Do you tithe?

2. How much does you spend per month on groceries? How many people are you feeding?

3. Seriously, do you spend $2000.00 a year in insurance?

 

I don't believe in asking questions you aren't willing to answer so here are my answers as well:

 

1. Yes, we were both brought up tithing. If you don't, it's cool, I'm just wondering. Please keep your rants on how the church only wants your money to yourself, thanks (but feel free to share any other reasons, lol).

 

2. When we put in our 3 basics they tabulated how much we should spend per month on food. The personal budget I set for us is $300 per month, last month we only spent $200! Whooohoooo. Anyway, the budget said $500. Now for only 2 people that is a bit much in my opinion, but I easily cook for 4 every so I guess if we had kids or male teenagers we could easily reach $500 (who I am kidding, I am a coupon and sales queen, unless I have 6 kids I aint spending that much).

 

3. I don't know how much home owners insurance is so maybe it is super high, but the budget website said up to $2000 in car/life/and homeowners insurance per year. Our car insurance is about $800 a year and our renters insurance is less than $150 (I really can't remember but I think I remember it was supposed to be $11 or $12 a month). Which is all less than $1000. Health insurance was a different category, so that wasn't included in the $2000.

 

The website is really interesting, I'll tell you if you tell me.

Who thought of this dumb day?

I hate April Fool's Day. I think it's mean, I guess I'm a grinch like that. The Grinch that Stole Fool's Day. I'm pretty sure I faked sick and didn't go to school on April 1st, I'm not sure, but it seems like something I would do. I can't get with pranks. When I was about 10 or 11 my parents played a joke on my sister and me. My mom told me her and my dad were getting a divorce. First of all, this evil woman did it while we were washing dishes after dinner, not while we were all at the table together which common sense would dictate. So I'm looking at her and I start crying. She just looks at me and is like "what are you crying for, you don't even like your father." So I start crying harder and manage to get out, "yeah, but you aren't supposed to divorce him!" I grew up in a house where we were taught divorce isn't an option, you stay married and you be happy, lol. After a few minutes my mom felt bad and was like "April Fools!" and starts laughing. What kind of demon are you? She apologized and said she didn't think I would react like that and she wouldn't have done it if she knew. Her and my father got a huge kick out of it, he was cracking up too. I don't remember SisterTM's reaction, but with her evil self she was probably in the back packing my daddy's clothes!

 

Has anybody ever gotten you with a good joke?