Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Family Says the Darndest Things

My weekend trip was alright. The trip down there was much more stressful than anything I encountered while there. My dad drove like a fool. My mom got so mad she was like "I'm not doing this anymore, I am not going down to see your family with you if you have to drive like a fool." TheCount kept waking up asking if everything was ok because my dad was swerving, cutting people off, he even ran a person off the road! He was doing wayyyyyyyyy to much. I put him on blast in front of his family because he takes stuff way too far and acts like it's ok when it's really not. My mom was like, I was scared I was going to die, never, ever, again.
Now it's time for some of the funniest quotes of the weekend
I was standing at the table fixing my plate, when my aunt came up to me
Auntie 1: "This hair looks good on you TM"
Me: ummm does she have me confused with somebody that used to be bald? I've always had some hair. "Ummm thanks"
Auntie 1: "Is it a weave?" as she begins beating my head trying to figure out if it's tracks or a wig
Me: jerking my head away "No!"
My mom and I were sitting up talking with my dad's brother  about my cousin, Lisa, that died last month.
Uncle: "Lisa's dad told her, before he died, 'Now Lisa, you are going to have a hard life, because of the way you treated me and your mother,' and you know what she did have a hard life, and that's why she's dead."
When my mom and I were walking away:
Me: "Ummm I think they watch to much Color Purple around here, 'everything you do gonna be cursed till you do right by me.' Who says that as their last words to their child!"
Ma: "HAHAHAHAHA oh wait, that's not funny"
Me: "HAHAHAHAA, yes it is!"
While we are talking about Lisa, it was her momma's party we went down there for. This is what her mom had to say about her:
Great Aunt Mae Mae: "Well, I don't know if she went to heaven or hell, don't really care. All I know is that she's gone and she aint coming back."
One day people will listen to me and stop letting old people talk!
My mom was talking to my uncle again:
Mom: "what's mae mae's real name?"
Uncle: "Izza Lee"
Mom: "So where did we get Mae Mae from."
Uncle: "We just call her that for short."
Me: "Short for what? That's nowhere in her name!"
Uncle: pausing to think "you're right, I don't know where that came from."
We were getting ready to leave on Saturday morning and I had on my car ride clothes: Cropped sweatpants and a fitted t-shirt:
Me: "Daddy, can we stop at the Waffle House on the way home."
Dad: "If y'all hurry up and get dressed we can."
Me: "I'm dressed! Let's go."
Me: "ummmm, yeah...."
I walked back in the bedroom to find TheCount rolling across the bed laughing and my momma running in there to laugh too. How rude! But they don't even wear pants down there (it's a religious thing) so I guess my sweats were offending her to her core!
Thinking back on previous trips down there, this one will be chalked up as a success. I firmly believe that her prayers and her telling me to be calm via twitter kept us alive on the trip down there. I prayed, closed my eyes, and slept :)


pserendipity said...

Dang, Lisa. With parents like those, who needs enemies?

kisz4tj said...

I'm stunned...poor Lisa...she mighta died on purpose!

I can't believe ur dad ran someone off the road...for the love of!!

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