Friday, August 15, 2008

Free Sampson! and other fair fun

Last night was so much fun! Seriously, you guys have no idea. The Count and I were joined by my childhood best friend who didn't talk to me for about 2 years when she decided to come out as gay, then we mended the friendship a couple of months ago but yesterday was the first time she came to the house in years but I had to put her out of my room because she smelled like smoke and I don't play that! That's too long of a nickname so let's condense that to bestie (lol, like best friend). So we get to the fair around 8ish. Already we spot people that clearly got a different memo than we did. Misslady right there in the stilettos--yes you. This is an agricultural fair. Meaning outside. On gravel. And grass. And it rained, no stormed today. Which means there are puddles and mud. In case you were wondering, yes you look stupid trying to walk in those. On to more exciting things. We walked around looking at all the food choices before making a decision on what to eat. I'll post what we ate as a group because there is no need to embarrass myself with the gluttony that took place:
*Italian Sausage
*French Fries
*Corn Dog
*BBQ dinner
*Funnel Cake
*And somebody snuck off and bought 2 candy apples and 2 caramel apples and began running around like a maniac when her fiance demanded to see what was in her bag. This same person also tried to buy 4 ears of roasted corn and her stupid bestie dragged her out of the fair claiming she would be sick if she put anything else in her belly.

We didn't actually ride anything but we did go and look at the animals, see a monster truck get stuck on top of a van, dance to the music, take pictures in the photo booth, and harass random strangers when we saw them eating something different (like crab dawgs). The Count and I don't need to hang out with Bestie anymore, though. She encourages our foolishness. I threatened to poke his eyes out and he threatened to throw me in traffic, meanwhile she jumping up and down chanting "I love it, I love it, fight, fight, fight" and a 10 year old boy is staring at us in horror scared he will have to testify to the police. "Sorry little boy, this is all just an act, remember, violence is not the answer." The Count broke the straw for my souvenir lemonade cup. The look I gave him made the worker handing me my fries jump back. It was so funny. He apologized for the count, that's how evil I looked.

When we left the fair even more fun happened. There was construction and multiple accidents on 270. We got through the construction and everybody was flying along and then traffic jsut stopped abruptly. It just happened a few minutes prior so we were only like 20 cars back and the police blocked off the entire road so no traffic could get through. So we turned on Chrisette Michelle, turned off the car, and begin talking to strangers. It was great!
Me: Hey mr. truck man, you're up high, what happened?
Truckman: Man about 5 or 6 cars are all over the d--n road. My buddy said we were getting by, but now the police done blocked the whole d--n road off.
Me: ok, thanks mr. truck man

Then he kept talking to us about our plans for the evening (it was almost 11) I told him about the fair. He denied seeing it. I was like, look it's right there! Silly old man! How did you miss all those lights? He was talking to us about how his truck had 2 beds, instead of just the 1. It was funny. Everybody was out of their cars making friends. I had to tell this lovely little white girl to not bend over and talk to boys in their cars with those little shorts on. It made her appear fast, which I'm sure she was. When we finally got to start moving people were running back to their cars. It was great! Fun times had by all.

At the fair their was a giant 2,700 pound horse named Sampson. This horse was freakishly big! The place they had him stored in was no bigger than my bedroom. And it was tented. He looked so sad. We think he was sedated because a horse that big can do some major damage if he ever got upset. I tried to talk to him and cheer him up, but it didn't work. So when I got out I began a chant to free Sampson. While we were in traffic I asked if I could get out and go talk to the other cars about starting a free Sampson the horse group. The Count and bestie told me no. I just may sneak back up to that fair and set that horse free because that broke my heart. I was begging people not to take their children in to see the horse or the animal freak show. It's just not right gawking at 2 headed raccoons and 5 legged goats. I think I'll free all the freak animals. If you see it on the news this weekend, don't be surprised.


pink said...

im gonna slap you. HARD. and what the hell you eatin all that damned food for?! you aint gon be able to fit in your damned wedding dress!!!!

Therapeutic Musings said...

Noooo, you can't turn on me too! Well hey, if I can't fit it they'll let it out! And it was the fair, the whole point is to eat :)

pserendipity said...

I heart the lemonade. Why did I save the cup from the last, like...3 years just so I could get the cheap refills and last year they changed the cup on me. Dangit! I had to buy a whole new $5 cup. But don't worry, I saved that one too, so this year $3.00 lemonade baby!!!! All day long. Gotta love it!!

okay, perhaps I was a bit too excited over saving $2.

Therapeutic Musings said...

I was pressed to give my parents my cup when they went to the fair the next night. Shoot, $2 can get you half a gallon of gas!

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