Wednesday, August 6, 2008

SisterCount says.....

Alright everybody, let’s do as Jamila suggested yesterday and get our cookies and tea and talk about this line: "See TM, you expect to much from men, they can only do but so much."

And to this line I say bullcrap! This is how the whole situation went down:

The Count and I were riding down to the family reunion with his cousin. His cousin is around 28 I think, has his masters, a good job, and a 1 year old daughter. He is not with his daughter’s mother since she was just a jump off that he got pregnant while he had a girlfriend. Now said cousin, let’s address him as CousinNoClue was bringing his daughter down with us to the family reunion so she could spend time with the grandparents. I was riding in the back with the baby. We played for a while and then both went to sleep. I woke up and realized 1. There was no air on in the car, while it wasn't too hot, the baby and I were definitely sweating and 2. This baby had not eaten or been changed since at least 5am. It was approaching noon! I was starving so I knew the baby was hungry. I started munching on chips and cookies but I took out a bag of grapes and started biting them in half to give to the baby. Her dad never even attempted to feed the child or suggest we stop. We finally get to the house and I go to take babygirl out of the carseat and what do I discover? She is soaking wet, he diaper has leaked. I hand her to her father so he can go in and change her diaper and clothes. What does CousinNoClue proceed to do? Put the diaper on wrong, and not take out a new set of clothes! We are about to go out in public why the heck do you think it would be acceptable to have your child out there in a t-shirt and diaper? I laid babygirl back down and was showing him how to properly fit a diaper to her body and do you know what this dude says? “Well it’s only like my 7th time changing her, I didn’t know.” Whatttt????? She is about to be 1! That’s not even averaging 1 diaper a month, what the heck, do you even see this child on a regular basis? He proceeded to do some more trifling stuff like throw the diaper out the car window even though we left a house that came fully equipped with trash cans-but we won’t go there. Now it’s about 2 in the afternoon and do you know he has not attempted to feed this child yet!? I mean my grapes can only go so far. Fast forward to about 7/8 o’clock (we fed the baby, and by we, I don't mean her daddy) and we are leaving the family reunion at the hotel. I haven’t been with him or the baby in the last few hours so I go up and remind him to change her. He informs me that he just did. I give him the ‘head tilted, pursed lips, side eye’ and ask “when?” and this trifling dude tells me "before we got here!" As in 6 hours ago!???? That’s when I let him have it. I’m sorry but this is not acceptable. I’m standing off in a corner with him reading him the riot act on what you do with a child and other helpful hints like perhaps not using the n-word around a baby learning to speak because when she starts saying it you’ll be mad.

During this same time at the hotel I look up and see The Count’s sisters (sistercount) baby’s dad. Now sistercount has her daughter there, but I did not expect to see the dad there, because they are so not together. It turns out he was just there for business, but you wanna know something? This dude didn’t even take his daughter out! He had time to attempt to take sistercount out for drinks, but not time to take his daughter out? This dude also does not pay child support, and only see’s his daughter on Sunday afternoons. That’s a big oh noooooooo from me!

Well sistercount heard what I said to CousinNoClue and saw how I was looking at baby’s dad and came over to talk to me. This is how it went:

Me: “See, oh no, I would stab the count in the eye if he acted like either one of those dudes. He slipped up and said the n-word in front of the baby and immediately turned and apologized, he knew he was dead wrong.”
SisterCount: “yeah I don’t like that either kid’s are parrots”
We keep talking about various situations and then she pulls the line
SisterCount: "See TM, you expect to much from men, they can only do but so much."
and I started reading the riot act again, lol. “what?? No you don’t expect enough! They do what you allow them to get away with. If you expect nothing you get nothing. Watch how your brother and I interact, if I don’t like something, I express it and we get the problem fixed. Men are not stupid, it’s comments like that that contribute to the problem of all these dead beat dads. Yes I expect the count to be involved in our children's lives and I won't be hovering over him making sure he does it right. They will be his kids too and he better be just as, if not better at raising them than me........”

At this point the count either heard or saw what was happening and came and scooped me up, lol. I just don’t get it. What would make her think that either situation is an appropriate way for a man to act? This is really long, I’ll talk more about it tomorrow.


Jamila said...

*Grabs tea and passes out cookies cuz we fixin to be here for a while*

I really think the problem of not expecting anything stems from a lack of self worth. Notice I said self worth and not self esteem. They are two totally different things. I know plenty of women that think very highly of themselves. Yet these same women seem to have no idea that they are worth a man stepping his game up to both acquire and keep.

So many women are willing to deal with (and defend) men's bullcrappery just for the sake of having a man. They will deal with the lying, cheating, beating, and all around lack of respect just to have a man. Why is it ok to be an after thought?

Unfortunately, men being triflin has become the norm. Woman are teaching their daughters that men ain't ish and the best that you can expect from them is to just father a child and lay some pipe from time to time. That's all that the daughters are seeing from their fathers so they put 2 and 2 together and figure it must be the the norm.

TM... Sistercount's babydayyd had the audacity to attempt to have drinks because somewhere she has shown him that this type of ish wouldn't promptly result in a punch in the head.

Therapeutic Musings said...

That is exactly how I feel about it! I'm going to break it down with examples tomorrow, because this situation cannot continue.

And the count and I have talked to sistercount numerous times about what she lets the babydaddy get away with. They have had to stop me from attacking him in the mall before! If she won't get him straight, I will!

Chaunece said...

Yea..I used to wonder why some men act the way they Who does that work for? Who does that impress? But then I realized that many women accept mediocrity in their relationships/courtships (w/e). Thats why we continue to get the deadbeats...because it works for them most of the time.

Therapeutic Musings said...

Preach Chaunece!

Product Junkie Diva said...

despite his level of education he does not have a CLUE. I really feel sorry for the baby but hopefully he will see that he has to make changes and SOON.
Oh and it annoys me as well when people try to give men the out by saying oh they dont know or you are expecting too much. Men are thinking, feeling humans so they should not be treated like mindless morons. Step up and do what you are supposed to do,....and no you will not get a pat on the back from me for doing what you should do...gee whiz

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