He aint goin' nowhere!

I am very protective of TheCount. We have been through a lot together and I just can't help it. He always looks at me like, babe, what are you going to do about it? Then I start my long list of irrational things I plan to do and the conversation normally ends with a request for me to stop talking. 

 

TheCount participates in a Turkey Bowl every Thanksgiving. A couple of Thanksgiving's ago he hurt his leg during the game when somebody fell on it, this is how the conversation went:

 

Me: OMG, sit down, let me get you some ice. Who did this to you?

Count: It doesn't matter who did it, I'm ok.

Me: Tell me. They need to pay for what they have done to you! Who was it?

Count: Babe, if they hurt me and I'm 100 pounds heavier and 7 inches taller than  you, what do you think they will do to you?

Me: Nothing, cuz they won't see me coming. I'll sneak attack them at church and then stomp them with my heels while they're down!

Count: Please shut up.

 

He never did tell me who hurt him. A few days before our wedding TheCount and his friends were together and they do violent guy stuff a lot. Well somebody snuck attacked this one guy and he never figured out who did it. So what did he do? He bit TheCount. Yes, you read that correctly. This grown man bit another grown man. He BIT him, who the heck does that? When TheCount told me that I started plotting out my revenge. TheCount was like, don't worry I was so shocked I punched him in the chest. My concern was that TheCount didn't punch him hard enough to pay for the nastiness that is biting another man. TheCount assured me he did and that they had it on tape, dude was rolling on the ground for about 5 minutes after the hit. Well, when we got back from our honeymoon we got a bit of funny information. TheCount broke dudes rib. So TheCount is feeling all terrible talkin' 'bout, I'll pay for his medical expenses, I'll reimburse him for the time he missed from work. Meanwhile I'm looking at him saying "oh no the heck you won't, he shouldn't have bit you! If you give him a dime, I'll break the rest of his ribs and yours." The dude didn't have any hard feelings we took him and his girlfriend out to dinner and paid for it and we were all even ( I really don't understand dude friendships, lol). Well after that I stopped worrying about TheCount so much because I was like, ok, he can handle his business. Until yesterday...

 

TheCount's job is to go into different apartments and perform inspections. He tests for things like lead and asbestos. He has had to go into some dirrrrttttyyyy places, but yesterday they took it too far. He pulls up to the apartment and was like, umm is this a joke? It was a vacant building (they didn't tell him that). The windows were boarded up and there was no  heat or electricity. All of which his office neglected to tell him. Oh don't forget that in the D-M-V yesterday it was 20 freaking degrees! So he is working all day in this dark below freezing building ohhh yeahhhhh with rotten floors. He almost fell through a hole in the floor! His equipment stopped working his computer crashed and then they had to do everything by hand because it was too cold for anything to work. Y'all I was livid and very dramatic! This is the conversation from my side of the phone:

 

"Well did you tell them of the conditions in the building? They couldn't find this out before you went there? I know it's your job to inspect buildings but they do not pay y'all to risk life and limb like that! You don't have an outdoor job your uniform is for working inside how dare they put you through that with no warning. That is so inconsiderate. Now you have to go back to the office and do all the work y'all couldn't get done today? Unacceptable. No, we're done with those people. We are finding you a new job now, they don't value their employees. Well at least it's a four day weekend. What? You don't have Monday or Tuesday off? But our president is black and so are you! Tell them you need one of these days of to celebrate with your people! I ain't playing ohhhh these people are going to get it!"

 

After all that TheCount said : Shut up, lol. But I was semi-serious. If you walked into your office building today and there was no heat today and all your equipment crashed, would you stay? Am I the only darn Pampered Princess that would get up and leave and put in my regular work hours for it? I've done it before because that kind of strain isn't good on your body if you aren't prepared for it. He didn't get in the bed till about 2am because he was still working. I sent him out today with full on ski gear in a bag just in case they decide he should work in a cement tunnel under the ground!

 

(I told MamaTM this story and she was like, girl he is a grown man he will be fine. At which point I went off on another tirade about how I have to protect my baby. I had to watch his brother and daddy leave this Earth and I will not see him go too.)