Private Service Announcement: Me

It has been suggested that I need to seek anger management, lol. I think they were joking. I was like, "I'm not the problem, they are!" When my coworker was telling me about her niece (the girl from yesterday's post) I was getting mad. When coworker told me niece started cursing when she pinched her finger in the car in front of coworkers 6 year old daughter I was like "did you punch her in the mouth?" Apparently it's not appropriate to punch teenagers in the mouth. Who knew? I was like well it would make her and your daughter think twice about what comes out of it next time. Coworker laughed but ummmm I was serious.

 

When I'm driving I scream at other drivers. My mama gets so mad and TheCount just laughs and says, "they can't hear you dummy." It's like they don't even see my little car. Seriously I can't wait until I get my truck, then maybe I'll get some respect on the road. This morning a tractor trailer and an air conditioning van came over on my car like I wasn't even there! I was screaming "HEY, WE CANNOT OCCUPY THE SAME SPACE! I KNOW YOU SEE ME HERE. HOW RUDE!" But maybe they didn't see me, it seems like cars never see me. Big dark blue truck, here I come. When I try to honk my horn it doesn't work, to date I think I've only successfully honked my horn in an emergency situation once and that wasn't nothing but Jesus. I'm always scared I'm going to deploy the air bag punching at that darn steering wheel.

 

MamaTM also gets mad at how I talk to TheCount. It's just that I'm much louder than he is so she doesn't hear what he says first! I don't think she understands because she met my dad when they were in their 20's working full time jobs and living on their own. I met TheCount in 8th grade U.S. History class. The way we interact is much different than how you guys did. We would fight all the time, make fun of each other. I would walk past him steal his hat and sit and wear it and dare him to try and take it from me! I would walk past and push his head so it slammed into the desk. He would trip me up as I walked. If he saw I had something to drink he would come over snatch it and guzzle the entire thing. This is how we are and we like it. We are never disrespectful to each other and we know where the line is drawn. He knows jokes about my skin are not cool. I know never to make bald jokes (he's not going bald but for some reason gets really mad if someone suggests that maybe one day he will) and I know never ever to let the word Bastard come out of my mouth (his daddy died in 2007...that ish hurts man). I know I can make fun of his mom and sister but never ever his brother (his brother died in 2005...we still cry about that one too). So like I said, we know where are lines are drawn and we aren't afraid to say to the other one "low blow man...too soon...too soon." It's the exact same way I interact with my sister, well that makes my mom mad too, lol. The other day TheCount and I were coming into my parent's house and all my mama hears is:

 

Me: "Shutup before I kick you down the stairs"

MamaTM: "Who are you talking too?"

Me: "Count"

MamaTM: "Don't talk like that it's mean"

TheCount: threatening me quietly so my mama can't hear him

Me: lunging at TheCount till I had jumped on his back and was able to latch on with one leg and kick him with the other

PapaTM: "Girl, get off that man, how would you like it if he did that to you? He did this to me yesterday only I collapsed under the weight of his enormous body!"

MamaTM: "I'm gonna tell your counselors this just aint right...it just aint right"

 

While my parents are fussing TheCount and I are having the time of our lives! It just like when we chase each other around the apartment. Apparently other couples don't do that, but we have fun and that's us being us.

 

See, I don't need anger management, we can just shut this service announcement down. It aint me, it's them!

 

(ohhhh my coworker just told me that niece jumped out her momma's car yesterday and ran because she knows her momma couldn't chase her. I asked "well did her momma run her little fast tail over with the car?" Ummm apparently that's not appropriate to do to a child either...who knew?)