Monday, March 23, 2009

For better or for worse

First off, my mom invited us over for dinner on Friday. Why did this woman make gravy covered porkchops wrapped in tortillas? She was on the phone talking about how good they were. Ummm momma, when did you start smoking weed?
I love being married, so when people ask me about it I always respond positively. We have 2 sets of friends that about to take the plunge. While talking to TheCount's cousin last week, he was like "I bet y'all have tons of fun huh?" I was like, "yeah man! There is always laughter here" :) And he was like, "see that's what I'm looking forward to." Well I hope you also expect the bad days. Days like Saturday, lol. My goodness, if I could have figured out a way to be TheCount within an inch of his life without killing him or doing permanent damage, I would have.
Let's start this by saying Saturday is my day of rest. Our Sunday's are normally just as full as Monday-Friday which means I need a day to recover. Errands and such are for lunch breaks and Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday evenings, NOT Saturday. If cleaning is to be done (I prefer cleaning on Fridays) then it is done at a slow and relaxed pace on commercial breaks. Also, since I didn't have a sit under hair dryer I tend to do my hair on Saturday so I can leave the rollers in for an extended period of time. I'm not opposed to doing things on the weekend,  but I like to have them scheduled so I can know what to expect. Saturdays are also for sleeping in. The only thing that will get me up before noon is a matinee and breakfast. My dear sweet husband knows all of those things about me. I haven't changed in almost 6 years we have been together. On Saturday he had to go to the DMV, emissions, to get an oil change, the barber shop, and to play basketball that evening. Cool, that meant I'd have the house to myself all day and planned my day accordingly. I woke up at 1pm and found him sitting on the couch playing video games. He was waiting to go to the barbershop since his morning errands didn't take long. Alright, I sat next to him on the couch and dozed in and out. I woke up at around 2, his hair appointment was at 2:30. The barbershop is 45 minutes away. Hmmmm, somebody is exercising poor judgement. He then gets up to take a shower and is rushing all over the place. Before he left, my momma called me and asked me to come down there (my parents live on the way to his barbershop) I asked him if he could drop me off, he said he didn't have time since it was now 2:30. Well, you're already gonna be late, what difference is 5 more minutes gonna make? I was like whatever, go away, let me enjoy my me time. I get ready to go wash my hair and I see blood EVERYWHERE in the bathroom. TheCount gets nosebleeds every time he takes a shower but come on now dude. On the sink, cabinets, rugs, and in the shower? Then I realized the rug was flipped over. Why? Because last week he spilled toothpaste on it and instead of cleaning it like I asked, he flipped it over! I was like, oh he has to clean this mess up when he gets home. I go on about my business and as soon as I finish rolling my hair I get a phone call:
TheCount: "babe, can you straighten up? Friend A, B, and B's girlfriend are coming over tonight"
Is this dude for real? I was soooooooo mad. My momma called me a little while after that and I was flipping out and she was cracking up. "I can't leave the house, my hair isn't done. We have one tv, the 5 of us will never agree on something to watch, and I don't wanna clean this messy bathroom. I'm not the idiot that takes stupidly hot showers. No he don't need to go to the doctor, he needs to stop being an idiot and take cooler showers. Trifling negro. This girl is going to come to my house and look at me like I'm the dirtiest, laziest chick ever" Y'all my momma was dying laughing which only made me more mad. She was like, nobody is gonna want to get married because you're mean all the time. Why did she fuel my fire? I was like "obviously not mean enough cuz they won't stop coming to my darn house. I'm always looking busted up cuz my husband is rude, oh well, and they aren't watching basketball either. I'm going to find the girliest show on tv and make them watch it." I got off the phone to start cleaning. Then I bumped the trash can and realized how heavy it still was. I was cleaning it out last night because the bag leaked (why? Because the trash taker-outer didn't take it out after putting packs and packs of bloody meat trays in it). I had water and bleach in it. How did this fool not see that when he put the bag in? Did he really not look? Did he really not hear a splash when he put trash in bag in the can that was filled HALFWAY with water? I didn't want to walk outside and dump it and be the hood chick with the big red rollers and I for sure wasn't dumping it in my tub/sink/toilet, so I left it. So I'm walking around the house cleaning up and cussing him out in my head. Then I remembered "God knows my thoughts" and started to give myself an attitude adjustment. Then my vacuum broke, I started spazzing. Then something told me to call TheCount and ask what time they were coming. Since it was about 4pm, I assumed like 7/8 pm like usual. This fool tells me that FriendA will be there in about 15 minutes, but that he was just leaving his momma's house 45 minutes away. I swear in all my dramatics I cried out "God, why hast thou forsaken me?" Y'all my house is spotless when maintenance has to come in, I scrub before the pest people come spray, I do not let people see my house not 100%. My mom called me back to check on me (she knew I was still in there acting a fool, lol) and told me to call TheCount and tell him they can all go to her house and my dad would cook them dinner and they could watch the game there. I was like they can't cuz Friend A is about to knock on the dang door. Somehow, she found this funny too. When friend A saw me at the door with my head full of rollers he was like "TheCount told you I was coming right?" Ohhhh, I got so mad and embarrassed.  Friend B never even showed up and Friend A only stayed for like an hour which instead of making me relieved, made me more mad, lol. I'm mad at him for being inconsiderate, he's mad at me for being a stick in the mud. It was a trying day for everybody involved! **Something else happened but it will have to go in another post this week**
God clearly saw my despair and answered a prayer from couple of weeks ago, he's sending me a baby (ummm, not to keep). This weekend my favorite baby in the world is coming up to stay with us whooohoooo. I also worked in the nursery at church yesterday. I had all the babies I could want! After church yesterday TheCount and I went straight to the beauty supply store and bought a sit under hair dryer so we don't have to deal with this hair drama anymore (of course not before he played El Cheapo asking why I needed an $80 dryer.  I told him that since he tortured me the day before it was the LEAST he could do. TheCount and I are cool now, and had a great day yesterday but seriously being married is not all sunshine, rainbows, and doing "it". There are days when attempted murder seems like a great idea.


Anonymous said...

lmao!!!!!!!!!! this post cracked me up gurl! The count has a triflin side!! lmao...gurl! I woulda slapped him upside his head with all the shenanigans that he pulled...bloody bathroom? the trash can incident...unt uh. smh. he was clearly trippin. Why are guys triflin like this. His momma would have whipped that grown behind if he tried some mess like that back at her house. the next time he tries somethin like that wait til hes walkin around nekkid...wet a towel...wring it out and snap it right on his lil triflin it several times if you feel so inclined and then maybe the welts that are left behind will remind him to clean up after himself! My name is TM...not Molly Maid you little ingrate!

Nerd Girl said...

LOL! I'm really mad that he flipped the rug! I can so see my husband doing that.

I desperately wanted to kill my husband yesterday - I guess it was 'act a fool weekend' for the men-folk!

kisz4tj said...

EVERYTHING...EVERYTHING! Why has thou forsake meeeeee as you rip at your clothing...BAWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!

I remember dem days, but I also enjoyed being day :-)

Product Junkie Diva said...

LOL @"There are days when attempted murder seems like a great idea." Yes, no relationship is perfect, so you just have to work through those not so perfect moments.
You both crack me up.

Mrs.Young_fashion said...

OMG, this is soooooooo funny. I totally get what you mean about the murder and "inconsiderateness".

I'm steady trying to control myself. They just don't know how close they come to seeing the light.

Therapeutic Musings said...

@Pinx LOL I do a lot worse to him that beat him with a wet towel. He gets that on a good day, lol. I just hope he doesn't pay me back by hijacking my blog when I have a triflin day!

@Nerdgirl Maybe your husband drove through here last week and conspired with TheCount! day indeed!

@pjd so very true

@Mrs YF...don't hurt 'em, lol

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