Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Back in the day-the hurt files

This post took a completely different turn that what it originally started as. So I'll say this, if you don't have anything nice to say about what I wrote, please keep it moving. I'm sharing how I feel and what I believe, if you don't agree that's fine.

I have never ever sought revenge on somebody that has wronged me, I don't feel the need, It'll make it's way back around to them in due time. The only part I play in the revenge is to live well (the best revenge is to live well-or however that quote goes). Over the course of my life there have been some males that have seriously wronged my sister and me. I mean seriously. Like they could go to jail if we ever opened our mouths serious. I just recently found out what happened to my sister and in turn I finally shared what happened to me (I don't really want to go into detail on here but ya'll can figure it out-it was evil and they were perverts). Well anyway, you want to know what happened to those men? They're dead. One person was a family member, when my dad called me to tell me he was killed I was on vacation. I called to tell my sister what happened because she was away in school this is how the convo went:

Me: You know RatBastardPervertfamilymember was killed today? Some dudes broke into his house and shot him in the stomach. By the time he got to the hospital he was dead.
Sister: Oh ok
Me: Geez you don't even sound sad about it
Sister: I'm not, he was bad. When you decide to be evil you have to accept the consequences.

Now I'm not saying those dudes had any right to kill RatBastardPervertfamilymember and all 5 of them are in jail and they deserve what they get too, but I think my sister had a point.

Seven months after this I get another call.

Them: I have bad news TM. RatBastardFormerFriend was shot.
Me: Is he ok?
Them: No, he died.
Me: ok, thanks bye.
Them: You ok?
Me:Yeah, I will be, bye.

I called The Count immediately he asked what they asked, "are you ok?" I got so many phone calls from people wanting to let me know he was killed. It was the same conversation over and over again. I cared but I couldn't cry, and I cry over everything. He was (as in before he did what he did) my best friend and coworker. When I got to work everybody was asking me if I was going to his funeral. I told them no. Then they all tried to tell me I was a bad friend for not wanting to go, and that's when I cried. I cried every time I went to work, but I kept my word, I didn't go to his funeral. Nobody understood why and I will never tell them. When people tried to tell me about the funeral I walked away. I even left work one day because they wouldn't stop trying to tell me about it. A couple of weeks after his funeral I was in my dorm room at 3am and I lost it for real. I missed my former friend. I missed the friendship we had before he violated me and I was mad that the dude that shot him took him away before I could ever tell him how what he did affected me. I had to call The Count and go down to his dorm room because I was crying just that hard. The Count did what he does best and just held me while I cried. He didn't try and understand my hurt and I didn't want him to. To be honest, I don't think he really knows what happened between me and RatBastardFormerFriend.

Blogging about these 2 situations made me realize the different way's people handle hurt. My sister turned hers into hate against the person that hurt her based on the act they committed. Mine turned into grief over the friendship lost because of the act they committed. I often wonder if their death's would have been different had they not wronged us-you know the whole Karma thing. If you put evil out into the world, evil will come back to you.

3 comments:

pink said...

wooooow. that was deep. i think every black woman or maybe women period have a ratbastard in their life. why is that i wonder? what makes them want to violate us they way they do? it baffles me. anyway...i can definitely understand how your sister reacted. and i can understand how you reacted. different people handle things differently thats all.

Therapeutic Musings said...

I wonder about it too. What were these men thinking? You reap what you sow people!

Product Junkie Diva said...

I am sorry that you were hurt but it seems that you have come to a point in your life where you have found peace.
Wishing you the best....
And yes you do reap what you sow.

 
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